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January 31, 2022 5:00 am
This is the craving because I was to feel his presence even of my program was just overwhelming feeling love just by him taking the time to let me visualize these things and see, and so he walked right beside my bed and it was the most powerful experience of me feeling God Jesus right there with me, Lindsay Snyder, describing how God healed himself to her lowest point today on Focus on the Family you'll hear more of her difficulty in brokerage or how she discovered that only the Lord can feel the emotional heartache in your life, your hostess book as president and author. Jim Daly and Don John Fuller, John. Some of our listeners may recognize the name Lindsay Snyder. She's the president and owner of the very successful in and out Burger, one of my favorite places to go eat and are located mostly in the western part of the United States and Texas. I'm glad there now in Colorado and growing here. It was great to meet Lindsay and record with her at the headquarters of In-N-Out Burger in Southern California. John you and I were both there and as we'll get into the following interview. This was some pretty heavy content. Lindsay has had a difficult and at times heartbreaking journey through life and I think her story is helpful for anyone who feels like God is far away and doesn't see us when were hurting. Now Lindsay is been very open and vulnerable about the mistakes that she has made in her past and how God is use those challenges to shape her faith and her passion to help others who are suffering. I'm really excited to share her story. She is a delightful person but you're getting here that she went through a lot of pain and here's how you began the conversation with Lindsay Snyder on this episode of Focus on the Family. You have such a powerful story and I watched the I am second platform and so many other places that I've heard pieces and I'm just really thankful to talk with you today. So let's start with your childhood what was happening. As Lindsay Snyder when you're a little girl and good things and tough things. Yeah, and I can remember back to being about 3 1/2 for and there was a lot of normal things about my childhood. He knew snacks and parents that loved me and why I thought maybe spoiled you little bit as the last born yeah I'm I'm sure there is a little bit of that. The thing about it I mean you did feel that close connection with your mom and dad that affect especially your dad. You've expressed that how tight you were. And even though he had some deep struggles.
Yeah, his struggles were often on throughout my life. I didn't really see them as much as a child. On average, it's sometimes where he was away and I thought he was in hospital sick, but it's a lot of my memories of my childhood were my dad was present and we played outside a lot. He watched cartoons with me. I build a fort in the couch pillows and watch cartoons and he was just in I look back and inner knowing my love language as quality time and physical touch were the big ones, and he just totally spoke to those and and and left me in those ways in. I would sit on the arm of his recliner chair but would watch step two, and he just kind just be right there is the presence it's hard. I think for those that had difficult issues in that relationship with her dad's but we still felt loved. Some people can not understand that because my dad was an alcoholic. But I can remember him running his answer.
My hair saying hey, you're my special youngest kid and it just, you know, I did do something for my sense of self-worth and it sounded like as I read about your life that you had that kind of experience maybe more deeply. Your dad really was able to communicate. He cared about you. Yeah, yeah, he really did. And there was years of having sober. So there is seen a lot of healthy years that I can hold onto and I knew that he had a lot of surgeries he had back surgery. He had shoulder surgery, different surgeries, so it started off with a legitimate need for pain pill but he was also fast metabolize air so he burned through them and and needed more and then that created addiction so is the living that right now Lindsay's think about families that are being destroyed because of opioid addictions.
I you can relate to that right yeah it's it's complete epidemic. It's just crazy because even his death certificate, said congestive heart failure didn't point to what was found in him and and same for my husband's brother.
He is 23 and his said congestive heart failure that he was on narcotics so just takes the so you get through your teen years, but at 17 devastation occurs. What happened he has 17 I was engaged in shouldn't abandon and my father died and I was just completely heartbroken and never really been one to struggle with depression, but that just hit me with just an overwhelming amount of pain and just feeling like I can't. How can I thought how can I live without you know all of the things we didn't do, or didn't talk about her self.
Let me ask you that daddy hole in the heart because so many we hear that were fathers. I don't have a daughter but so many women I talked to speak to that whole describe for those that may not understand what that means.
What were you longing for your you know a healthy relationship in a long-term relationship with your dad would provide what was that missing thing. I think that the dad provides this level of protection and even a defender protector defender someone to protect the heart as well as physically. I think if you know that their present you also want to please them and you don't want to disappoint them, and so having that missing. There was, I guess more of a reckless nest with my heart because he wasn't there to put it kind of a soft border around yeah your behavior say wait a minute Lindsay yeah so you know I was interested wasn't promiscuous but was it was just a lot of early relationship seen.
I had my first serious but 13 so 13 and then my first husband we met last working and engaged.
So that's where that goes. In terms of the first marriage and what were you hoping for what was real and what happened yeah I think if my dad had been there once the selection selection process with different person.
That's really the only thing then yeah because I look back and I could see myself going for the reformed batboy or I want to help reformed batboy. My dad was when he was younger. So and then slipping back into using drugs so the I mean that that whole there. Of course, is that it's created for God to fill, but I think that we do have parents do have a role here on earth, and there's an importance of both the mother and father and they both provide different things for children. If you have absents of 19 to say there's a lot of things that present themselves that the enemy really likes to play up and try to create strongholds or yell different roads to different places that will just damage or your heart, your mind absolutely, and I think you and I both realize John 1010 the great scripture that says the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy right that's that's his mission is to take us out, and I think the listeners as we unfold. Your story is quite amazing Lindsay and that marriage did not work out and what age were you when that was over I knew he and I had this feeling when I was 17 that it wasn't right that I was basically settling and I was afraid of being alone. So I kept going forward. And you know I already had such a huge loss of love losing my dad's. I thought it was too much to let go of that relationship that I was invested in an and it was a very codependent relationship as well. It wasn't healthy and yet was.
We are married for two years and unfortunately he had a lot of things going on was having anxiety attacks and had porn addiction started confessing a lot of stuff and it was just too much for me to handle. I felt so heartbroken.
I felt like okay this is I'm nobody. I'm not enough. I'm not enough.
It was in some people. Here's one things as I was just getting to know you better know your story better.
Some people are so quick to throw out the judgment, but the reality to come back to this, but the reality is it's refreshing because at the bottom is where you meet the Lord. That's where you who you are. Really shows up and were not at your bottom yet you continue to because that was your first marriage and you know that when you're really on your second marriage. What took place was happening second marriage was basically a rebound. I was already in friendship and then relationship with him before my first marriage even completely ended so so started off overhung and he introduced me to smoking marijuana and drinking, and those are things that I'd really tried to stay away from because my dad right and he now is cut talked into it and I was in a place around like the reject of the family right now and you know getting divorced and so I felt that the reality that you said that quickly, but it went deep that had this thing that I'm not I'm not performing yeah yeah yeah I felt like and I felt like I let my family down let my mom down. It felt like she had two daughters are my sisters that he now had kids and a husband for years and you know they did it right and so you know, I've I've done it wrong and you know our relationship has gone all over the place. Over the years, but at the time it wasn't very good because she was sending me very lengthy emails of how I made her feel and how she felt right. In some ways she's doing that out of her desperation yet is she does want to see you hurt right right is at home so should I know she meant well, but I think it came across very shame shaming Rives in that context, so might be thinking, where was your relationship with the Lord at this point, divorced 19 you meet your second husband. There are some challenges there that you mentioned in terms of difficult behavior and work will you sign the God he wears your relationship this point so I was now raised knowing the Lord, and I think from about 20 to almost 22, off-line now. I took it working out well. I'm a very long term thinker like I don't. I just can't help but like think about the big picture.
So that's why I had to turn to drinking everything that because I knew that I wasn't right. I knew I knew that this where I wasn't trying to ignore God wasn't in the last wasn't at work so new it yeah I know you numbing yourself. Basically, that's amazing yeah yeah I knew and I was and I was kind of a prodigal son/daughter situation, but I just I also felt's just a lot of shaman felt like I was kind of kicked out to you like I can.
I can't be a Christian now or I can't be on as a Christian, but I can't be what I'm supposed to be because of Artie failed the writers is that defeat.
I guess that was there but thing that is so positive is how the Lord was working in all this. Yeah, you have to keep your eye on the ball right yeah and I and I came back very strongly like I was just heartbroken that I let him down that I'd walked away that I took a badge of his grace. Everything he did and so when I came back it was getting rid of all the things my life didn't fit now with the Lord in and I turned quickly so now his back and then you know probably didn't surrender everything over because I ended up marrying pretty quickly soon as my wife and became a Christian and that's that's where I get some of it went wrong from the beginning.
However, we were married from 2000 42,010 and there was a lot of ministry in that time a lot of good fruit, a lot of good relationships. Lots of good stuff happened. Even in the marriage.
There wasn't that feeling of protection or guarding help guard my heart, or to fight for me so that that pain that had been there for so long was just becoming a gaping hole again because the person that was supposed to be there wasn't, and I think that was leaving just a huge foothold for the enemy. Selman that relationship ended with adultery. I started with an emotional affair and then became physical and told on myself or quicken you know it wasn't just happened real quickly was a frog in the boiling water step situation where there were lots of issues red flags and was kind of crying out, not much happened and was an emotional connection that wasn't date nights are getting blown off and it was it was just it it fell apart and it was something that I'm sure the enemy was hoping to accomplish me. Let me dig it is something that you mentioned that I think so many women struggle with and that was that feeling of you deserve this remote you know this is your law because of who you are. Felt like as I read that just how that is a tactic of the enemy as well to just pile on you making poor choices and then they just reverb it's in your mind and your soul that you're not worthy of God, you don't deserve this. So many women yeah and met live in that spot. Speak to that and how you pulled out of that pit. I think the pain that was so deep was okay, the first husband didn't love you enough to protect you. This is that all the things that the dad would do you know what wasn't there either. Then the next one again not important enough. Not worth the time. Quality time is not there again and the love language right and then jumping into number three was just a complete rebound relationship and that of pain. And again, not in a great place to be selecting to guard your hearts, but at the same time hoping that they will later sing something in them that showed that they would, but then now and seven. Like you said I in that relationship that was very, very dysfunctional.
The most dysfunctional. The most emotional, mental abuse and and I did. I went to a place of just feeling like like I deserve it this point as he was so abusive and that way everything yeah yeah I exhibit there was a lot of manipulation and then for me to feel like I've Artie been through two divorces I mean this is this is what I have to to go through how old are you at this point it seems in 2010 yet doesn't and so almost 30 think of you living like multiple lifetimes and by the time you're 30. It's amazing house like an old soul, but not what just feels. Point just feels like you just needed someone to be there for you yeah you know you ask about who that person's eye other than I was able to reconnect after I fell from my second marriage I did try to pick myself back up. Although I'm still doing with the shaman going know I deserve this, even though those obviously are from the Lord, but I was driving far to just be alone with God.
It would go up into the hills and sit outside my cards pray like read and cry out to God and so I was very intentional about like just help me help help help you know I want to be want to be okay with you I want to be with you so that was there but yeah when the relationships my mom and my sisters absolutely loved me, but I think that they kinda didn't know what to do and then I didn't really have someone that that really came in.
I did you know I was in my third marriage I had a very good friend Melinda who was a huge strength for me when she was a pillar for me through that she did she do help you so much.
She was there for one to listen and she gave counsel to biblical counsel. She would put the word to me. She brought me into her church and then I went to not just Sunday but go to Bible study and then so I was in church like three days we just trying to really get connected.
It just seems like the Lord had his thread for you, even those can be really difficult for me. When you start working through that and coming out on the other side.
That's the thing I think most people that are struggling right now those are listening might be you know somewhere like where you were at the bottom not feeling worthy or deserving of God's love or anybody else's love and I'll settle for this guy. That's not that good is mistreating the what you say to them, how do you how do you convey that now to that woman who was that desperate and to say there's a better way. Why think that some Christians might look at certain people that came from a life of sand or different things. They were saved and then they got saved, and the stories good from there on I think there's Christians look at that goal, not me desired.
He knew I knew better. I was already Christian and I did that and I did that and I'm just forget about me.
They kept themselves out or say their ministries done because orchids pull away from the church because without shame or whatever and I think those the ones that the enemy really dislike me know so excited that he was able to stop because if you can't kill God's children.
Then he tries to slow them down and stop them, derail them, whatever, whatever he can do now to stop the advancement of the kingdom. I think that a lot of those people that had the struggles are in front of them were probably very gifted. That's why the enemy was trying to throw those things in front of them so I would say innovate. If you are one of those people that feel like you've just done too much. Sure, God's not not really there. How could he let all this happen to me or you know any. There's so many thousands of thoughts that could come up that would keep you from reconnecting with who you are and your creator, but he's always there and there's not one thing that's too big for him to forgive and there's not things that are too big to heal and he can definitely restore the most broken or someone that's gone through tons of stuff and it's even after their believer legitimate victim back through so much painful times in your life you've referenced. Knowing God, and feeling his presence. Just describe what that was like to be one particular moment where you really sensed my heavenly father's is with me all there's a lot of them that I did have a moment that was very supernatural when I was with my third husband was crying. I was very sad and lonely was gone and and I just close my eyes and was just praying it was like the Lord please just let me know that you're still there to show me that you're there, like I just want you to be here invite you to be here and I close my eyes and I envisioned him up the street from my house and it's like he was there it was just like the sense that he was really up there and then I saw him walking down and he came to the gate and asked can I come in like a click. I felt him saying I command. I was yes the gates open and I said yes and then it's like I felt him in the house. I felt his spirit so strongly. It was just like crazy because I was in such a low place you want to feel his presence even with my brokenness was just overwhelming. And you end up feeling love just by him taking the time to let me visualize these things and see you know, and so he walked right to the side of my bed and it was the most powerful experience of me feeling God Jesus right there with me and it's like he just placed his hand on me and I cried.
I smiled. I said thank you was praising and praising praising nights fell sleep like in this peaceful place is beautiful Dorcas. Our just feeling so broken, so beat up so broken is tired of feeling like I can take much more reminder powerful God's unrelenting love for us, no matter how far away from him. This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly on John Fuller and we've had a special conversation today with Lindsay Snyder.
She's the president and owner of In-N-Out Burger, Jen. I think Lindsay stories so moving and hopeful for people who may feel like they've made too many mistakes to be worthy of God's love or forgiveness. There has to be people listening, watching right now who feel that way. But here's the reality. Romans 323 says all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We've all made mistakes and none of us is worthy. Yet God still offers us his abundant grace. That's the good news is why we call it that. And just like the father in the parable of the prodigal son Luke 15 the father, God is waiting to embrace you to forgive your sins, and to restore your life and if you'd like to learn how to become a follower of Jesus. We welcome the chance to talk with you and pray with you about doing just that we have a free booklet or download that we can send you call coming home which can answer many of the questions you will have about living and growing in your faith and please contact us if you'd like to speak with one of our caring Christian counselors about any challenges that you may be facing in your life. Here Focus on the Family we want to be there for you we do and what were just a phone call away. The numbers 800 the letter a in the word family 800-232-6459 or you can stop by the episode notes for the links and if you're already a member of God's family. I hope you'll help us be a part of the ministry here.
Help us to spread this message of the great news of Jesus Christ to others and you can do ministry through focus. When you partner with us financially providing the fuel we need to produce broadcasts like this one connect, hurting families, with our counseling team and develop resources like our website and so so much more. Every year we help around 1.75 million people grow stronger in their faith. You can be part of that incredible discipleship effort so please be generous with your support Focus on the Family today and once again our number is 800 K in the word family or donate by clicking the link in the episode coming up next time will have more of Lindsay Snyder's amazing life story for now on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. I'm John Fuller thanking you for listening to Focus on the Family inviting you back as once again, you and Your Family Dr. in Christ and I knew my marriage was falling apart. I just did not affix. I felt like I would always be alone even if I stayed married at Focus on the Family's hope restored marriage intensive. We offer hope to couples in crisis so they can have the marriage they always dreamed that for the first time I felt like my husband truly heard me. I received some great tools from the counselors of change my life and my marriage to begin the journey of finding health go to hope restored.com today