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August 23, 2020 4:00 pm
Welcome to Man Talk, with your Hosts Will Hardy and Roy Jones Jr. The discussion this week is part 2 of a 2 part episode about marriage. The focus of this episode will be on the couple. Man Talk welcomes back Jayne Lessard a professional Marriage Counselor, to the show.
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Hey this is Mike Swick from if not for God podcast our show stories of hopelessness turned and I hope your chosen Truth Network podcast is starting in just seconds. Enjoy it, share it, but most of all, thank you for listening and for choosing The Truth Podcast Network this is Truth Network welcome to Mammoth on the right to buy DAW. CM is talking and walking Christian men's ministry where they're devoted to breaking down the walls of race and accommodation challenging as our host will Hardy and Roy Jones Junior a black eye and a wide rule.
Judging that we are back with part two with Jane Lessard and we're talking about just issues and concerns in reference to man and marriage, and for this particular segment, Jane. We want to concentrate more on the couples relationship. We we kind of put a lot of emphasis on the man on the last program.
We did talk a little bit about couples and women and things like that so so the initial question is what are the top three challenges that you have to deal with when it comes to couples and relationships and marriage, and in this modern era great talent would be money back in communication well good in that order. Probably yeah that day I was with her emotional and and then money. In fact, but yeah, probably money back, but communication and what what is the elaborate a little bit on on each one with sort of what the room calls that you have encountered with respect to those three issues impacting equipment money couples come into marriage often mirroring the opposite favorite Mary Bender to try is not fair. They have learned partner and so United Airlines secret different value and so the when finances become tight or just communication about it is not. They are like that.
There's a where the fight begin to happen come in, but what about that second issue that will we have the professional on-site doesn't live what happened. One thing at God are wicked white man, strong background and that women not a strong but wrong drive for emotional connection and got dead and I thank God. God gave Britney that it we have to.Bell and care for the other person first.
And if we don't were in trouble, but am infidelity is up 60% and you said you said 6608 017 6/10 couples have gotten Fidelity's correct well, no, not better. Leslie's conversation we talking Lucy infidelity we talking inclusive emotional affairs or was it a physical infidelity in 60% well: fidelity while yeah oh my goodness, you know, I think I think that's not surprising, either in in today's time or in past years beat because I think as couples become and get under these emotional, physical, psychological strains that they are put in. You know a lot of these the thing these needs that they are seeking. It becomes manifest with Jane, what percentage of women rephrases over last 10 years, maybe 15 years has that number gone up and do you attribute any of that to the electronic devices that make it so much easier. It was completing down this path with you think that contributes to this infidelity issue. Electronic devices lead to secrecy easy to do and that manifests itself into a physical relationship. Yeah, I think it to me affairs on the Internet. It it pornography it says available commitment isn't what it used to pay a living. Just as yeah addiction. I think the whole Internet can create an addiction.
And once he entered addiction your good start line and unite then that lack of trust in the truthfulness in the mirror just begins to break down when you talked about secrecy. That's one of the things that I've seen in in counseling couples is that the person that you marrying, they really don't sit down and talk about the things that they could potentially have problems with because it's the love it's the googly eyes and write you a little behavior. Yeah, and it's and it's you know I'm opening up the door on pulling out the chair. Those type things that they see but a one couple. For example, they went to relationship and after a month they want to get married and it just so happened that the husband future husband. He had a lot more debt. And so when she married him.
She's marrying the debt to write so you know, select that's going along in then all of the other baggage that go along with that Dick you know all of the phone calls from creditors that you might be getting, or from family members that you borrow money from them in all these things again start to manifest himself now instead of her marrying this one man she's married like 15 other people you know because because all of them are intertwined with his life before they see it. I do, just like we can circle back on this back to this piece number two component six piece we talking of to the 60% fidelity issues. So what else are the struggles within the marriage. Go back to what we talked about last week. Related to this topic.
What what else would you build around this to, be as a forewarning to couples men and women. The listening upper the last area is the communication and couples tend to go into when I have light right wrong win lose battle and that of really beginning to understand each other and says whenever they have by it is right wrong. Now I let me understand it, let me understand what you're feeling and then vice versa exactly to that an analyst day but you couples are capable of that will so how would you recommend someone is listening in the fund cells just wave described their incapable at this point doing that. How would you encourage couples to take the first step is one of the best advice is to people as you take a step in the natural.
If you're serving God is going to come along.
The supernatural and take care of the rest of the journey. So how would you recommend that a couple of the listening reman woman by the Socialist man in the situation out of the start word as well that a lot of man okay well I'm just not a good communicator by really a four step process that your spouse be and then the listener will mirror back what they bargained that validate why they be feeling that way empathized with them, gives them two or three thing feeling word and then asked what can I do to make things better formula that all men can do well even if they didn't learn it. Growing up it harder than it down and get it good to have 1/3 person there to get what what what what you missed bit that until it really begins the plug but when people come in with communication problems. That's probably an easier day than even fact or money so you all the lad the are involved in that it's okay so this means that this may back what you just said the listener. With this means active listening because in step two mirror back what you just heard from your spouse. Third, empathized with what basically demonstrate you understand, validate and value that invalid. I can understand why you feel so angry right now because like that. In step four and step three is is empathized right Or at the question question how can I make this better. I think I can take to make this better and see. I think that that takes a humbling of the spirit on on both the husband and wife account.
You know to to humble themselves, and I think that if if they truly want to make reconciliation if they truly want to do this then and there. Both believers and they want to be open to the spirit of God and not get their dictation and direction from the world because in Ephesians chapter 3 and verse 22 it says talks about wives, a loving their own husband, submitting themselves to their own husband, as as the Lord has submitted himself, you know, and in the church. He submits himself to God. The church submits himself their self to Christ. So if we are part of the church then then submission is not a shameful thing to do for its but I think that's how it's view is how it's viewed in society that if you submit yourself then you're showing some type of weakness will you maybe writer will mess with maybe love people are thinking will pick this conversation back of this moment joins us to WC MM would love to have you join their community of men for breakfast every first and third Friday of every month and Bible discussions and fellowship at the best breakfast in town meeting location is in their precious posterior First Christian Church in Kernersville, 1130 N. Main St. encouraged him a hard start at 7 o'clock from a hard stop. Later fund first-time visitors eat for free. Join your host will hardly Roy Jones Junior, a black guy in a white guy affordable chiropractic in High Point.
As you might tell from their name, affordable chiropractic, even for the castration. Dr. Jeff Ricky has been caring for patients in High Point for 34 years, physical therapy, such as ultrasound and spinal decompression for this condition, such as herniation conference of care for auto accident injury patients with no out-of-pocket expense. Remember, affordable chiropractic on the W. Lexington Ave. in High Point Hall 336-885-1987 and welcome back to man talk radio were joined by Jane Lessard professional counselor High Point, North Carolina, and were so glad you joined us from so doing earlier in the this first segment I want to ask you something, at least got comfortable hard about something when you talk about when you get to heaven going asking about why men were wired why wired men the way did. Why were the women the way to do it. We just came to my heart when used talk about that the two are supposed to become one and like so there that that in therein lies the Holmes, the two become one. So the this strength. The sexual drive so strong to me in an emotional spiritual link with the women so that if the two truly have become one and then they they function as one serving God than the balance would you think would naturally be a letdown but we know those men would probably make the struggle and create a lot of that struggle to see and and let's talk about that's talked about Roy in Ephesians chapter 3 verses 31 and 32 but when a man leave his father and mother you know and then he cleans and to his wife and they too shall be one flesh. And you know we can talk about that on the whole show, in and of itself, but that the it. It literally takes. I believe a lifetime does for you know the 22 become one in knowing each other because the circumstances and situations that we are surrounded with an how that affect us or should I say how we allow it to affect us yet.
Then I think that may or may not alter our direction in how we approach issues and you know whether or not we are truly in that submissive state because the if the church and we are part of the church's most be submitting ourselves to Christ, and we need to know exactly what Christ did in submitting himself to the father and so because he was the example he was our model example so and in Jane. You probably addressed are my second question here in reference to the process that you know you take for couples in these challenges when you were still four step process, which is good. So how often do they respond to couples respond positively or negatively to that particular four step process that you have seen in in your years on dairy like the man are related that it is formula and not fit in a touchy-feely kind of thing that they have to have within that they can walk. Before that, and when negative there. Why, literally, will breaking here think I unite you get me you may which is what every woman long that I found it all radical in my marriage and listen and women radical that has a lot of positive connotation to radical a man so it and going back to Ephesians chapter 3 and I don't know about you, Jane. But I have II always have couples struggle when it comes to the verse where it says that as the church submits itself to Christ, so let the wives submit themselves to their own husbands in everything.
And it's the it's the in everything that I think the wife have problems with see if there if they're coming in there with an open mind and an open heart, then it's it's not that the man is commanding the woman but yet she is willfully and lovingly submitting herself because she understands that the order that God has established in Scripture with in reference to the church, submitting itself to Christ, just as Christ submitted himself to the father sold in the if the husband being the head of the wife and she submits herself lovingly, but that word submit. I've always had women and in the marriage. They have problems with that. Have you had that same experience lately when we remember that were in battle together and that God had put the man Oberon protect that to provide for and he loves that Christ loved the church mission. It ate by absolute it hard for a man to love the wife as Christ loved the church hard for a woman to submit to a man. Why is we have an enemy and workcenter and were prideful and selfish and that all of their pay that debt down and living vertical mixing on donkey man when we live vertical and it's easy for us to live horizontally and interact with our brother and cousins flow through from the right direction.
I may place them through us to everybody out pizza but right but yeah that that everything so I've had questions where that the wife would say will what if my husband asked me to do something that I think is ungodly and then will we don't want to go too deep into this but you know where I'm headed with this. So if I if he right and here's what I did. I know that the munication thing part talk DART talk. I have a heart talk about that. I say will, I'm really struggling with what your act committed. Are you willing to have a heart talk that he shares what she feeling he got Amir back, validate net, but that and after he understands her, they might be able to tweak it a bit not come nigh guy. He understands her. She understands him, and then taken together. While that's a blessing.
That's a blessing because if if there's anything I think that a man typically wants to use his. He wants to use his position that God have placed him in an and in this authority that he's been given that if the wife doesn't give him what he wants. You know then that you you are in violation this what you know he'll say you know you you you not following the will of God. But it goes back to I think what you said.
If he if you having that heart talk if you having that heart discussion and your understanding the need.
If she is not at a point to receive what you want to give and that particular point you have to talk it out and you know and if an MS part of the communication is nothing whether we haven't talked much about the timeout right this too often when emotions run high surging deals with this with a few of her clients is the sometimes you just have to call timeout and if it escalates so quickly scanning have that talk right so you did say privately with his crew off from its come back in 20 minutes or 30 minutes an hour mysticism talk together, recognizing that were both escalated right now in the thick yet that's what 35 years of marriage for fifth Ellijay will start a new life and history tells or teaches that it is important and heart talk, but from the lighting but it already escalated good you got take that on to point I think the other thing that that I would say that it really helpful in a marriage is taking and 15 minutes a night, turn off all electronic, eyeball to eyeball share about your day.
The bad word. What was hard, what with good and and calm me. Be sure you're partnering every area of your life that on a daily basis that creeping separateness is and is likely to happen.
Let's get what it what you see Jane as the which spouse is likely to resist coming in for any type of marital counseling is all about asking the woman to his man are usually the one to make the phone call, not women. It man when that what you call smart but it man. Call me got hey were struggling. I'd like to come in and out unite. I think it the marriage camp or it wrong and to read man worked on really well and like really so I have been encouraged by man, and they're willing to come in and their willingness to fight for the marriage deal and what I've seen is, I've seen more women needing structure of an and that's to say that they were there looking for a process we know when we leave here. What is it that we could be doing what type of MIDI exercises or things that you can give us that we can sit down together and I do and she's typically like right on task when it comes to those things which you know I applaud you one last thing I would like to offer sure concurring will know you do is on the flip side of the deep-freeze times in the morning or evening should starter in with prayer together going for the fall man for the cross together demand and both of you share that one day the next vice versa to be part of the thousand 500 together applicable mean you got folks today. Thank you so much, as we wrap up today show is sure TA W CMM talking and walking Christian men's ministry is building a Christ followers with a desire to be servant leaders in their homes, communities, churches and work environments. Check out our website for upcoming events of regularly scheduled meetings drop is a note for topics that you would like to have us visit in the future. Thank you for joining us on man talk today.
Visit us at www.tawcmm.com men walking the talk, this is Truth Network