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June 26, 2020 1:00 am
To understand why people become sexual abusers, we need to understand the “why” of dysfunctional families. First, we look at a Bible family scandalized by abuse and its damage. Then, we’ll see how God can heal the deep scars left behind.Click here to listen (Duration 25:02)
To understand why people become sexual abusers. We need to understand why dysfunctional families today looking at the Bible family scandalized by abuse and damage and will see how God can heal the deep scars left behind from the Moody Church in Chicago. This is with Dr. Erwin looks her loose clear teaching helps us make it across the master looks or is it really possible for a victim of sexual abuse to find healing in a day, but I think the answer to that question is yes, but I need to emphasize that it is not necessary for a person to be totally healed of their past to be a worshiper of God to please God, to be used by God.
What we need to do is to recognize that God oftentimes heals us by giving us a brand-new focus. You might not entirely forget the past, but you need not be controlled by that's why believe that this series of messages is so incredibly important. And for those who listen to running to win.
You know that we are totally committed to preaching Jesus because after all he is the one who said come to me, ye who are weary and laden, and I will give you rest.
I've written a book entitled slandering Jesus it actually is six lies that people say about the one who claimed to be God. It is to help you in your faith. Share it with a college student for a gift of any amount. It can be yours. Here's what you do go to RTW offer.com or you can call us at 1-888-218-9337. This is one of the last days were making the offer slandering Jesus.
We believe it will be a blessing to you and that once again we open our Bibles and we talk about God's healing for broken people. I'm speaking on the topic. The sensitive topic of abuse and as I mentioned last time, if you wish to wait while I speak because memories are coming back that are very difficult for you to handle.
Feel free to do so at least a cry quietly and I hope that those of you who have experienced abuse in your life, of whatever kind will be open on the God word side and maybe you'll hear something today that you've never really heard before, and I pray that it will be transforming for you. The purpose of this message. First of all is for us to discuss what an abusive dysfunctional family looks like what happens in a family like that. What are the dynamics in the last part of the message is going to be on healing. How does Jesus heal the broken hearts.
Thanks for being with me on this journey I began today with a story that some of you will probably recognize if you're familiar with the Old Testament.
I came from a large dysfunctional blended family.
My father was a very powerful and famous man.
He had several wives they said I was beautiful. I was a virgin. My half-brother was sick.
At least that's what he told our father.
He asked if I could come and fix them a meal.
My father sent me a message and he asked me to go to my half-brother. So of course I went he was lying down and wanted me to make a cake for him in the kitchen. Then my half-brother said bring the food to the bedroom and feed it to me. I can't believe that I trusted him should've known that something was wrong.
I can't believe I was this na´ve even told everyone around to leave I should've left with them. Then he grabbed me and said come to bed with me. My sister, I knew that I was then in trouble. I said don't. My brother don't force me such a thing should not be done in Israel don't do this wicked thing.
What about me what I get rid of my disgrace.
And what about you, you would be like one of the wicked in Israel but nothing worked.
He was very strong so he sexually assaulted me. Then he kicked me out as if I were the bad one. I remember pleading no nose sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you've already done to me. He called his servants and said get this woman out of their bolt the door after her was as if I was trash I was violated, discarded, shame nameless, exposed. I tore my clothes and put ashes on my head, put my hand on my head and went away crying and nobody did anything. My father, King David was angry, but he never came to me and never spoke to my half-brother about what happened or the story of course is recorded in the second Samuel chapter 13 second Samuel chapter 13 if you have your Bibles. It's important that you follow along with the text.
It's on page 264, page 264.
If you have a Bible like mine. I might like to do is to give you some characteristics of the dysfunctional family and then will talk about obtain Mars possibility of being healed.
What happens if you aren't healed and what happens if you are, and why the difference. First of all, with reference to the family itself.
I need to give you some background in the Old Testament God tolerated polygamy and so David had many wives and that meant.
Of course, that there were many brothers and half-brothers and half-sisters, Absalom and Taymor are from the same mother both of them were dropdead good looking. That's what the Bible says in my rather loose translation. They must've had a very beautiful mother Amnon was from a different mother. He was actually the oldest of one of David's wives and so that sets up the scenario as to what's going to happen between the half-brother Amnon and his half-sister the beautiful sister Kmart. One of the things that you notice about dysfunctional families that is very evident is not all family members are protected. Or we could say that not all of them are treated equal delay. That certainly was true in this case, look at what the text says in chapter 13 verse one. Now, Absalom, David's son had a beautiful sister whose name was Kmart, and after a time, Amnon, David's son loved her. Now wait a moment. Notice that Absalom is referred to as David's son, and later Amnon is referred to as David's son, but nowhere do we find that Kmart is referred to as David's daughter is not interesting to see in many cultures, even in the Middle East and the girls are sometimes more expendable, and the men are more. It would've been nice for her dignity since she was a princess and her father was the famous David if it text it said that she was the daughter of King David. But it doesn't say it and by the way, if you're in a dysfunctional family. Is it important for you to understand how words are used. It says that Amnon loved his half-sister of love are you kidding there are many people who say I love you, and what they really mean is I love myself and I want you Amnon was nothing but an adult predator in terms of relationship to his half-sister, but you know love is used to cover what is going to become a horrendous crime and isn't that the way it is.
A molester says to children well you know I'm just teaching you how to love.
I care so much about you and so language is used to deceive there's a second characteristic and that is that appearance masks reality, the appearance is one thing.
The reality is another you know if he if we had the time we go back to chapter 12 as it ends. David is a great hero now. It's also true that he committed adultery and murder, and we know that story.
But God forgave them and now is called into battle against the ammonites and they captured the king of the ammonites and they take his crown and they put it on David's crown and all the people are cheering and saying, isn't it wonderful that we have such a great royal family. What they don't know is that this royal family is dysfunctional and in trouble. In fact, it becomes very clear that even as the story unfolds. What happens is this tame are is told by her father to go to Amnon who said that he was sick and he wanted Kmart to make some food that he might eat out of her hand. David wake up okay I don't you get it. I mean Amnon with somebody who is not a very pretty young man. Now he was in line for the throne and so David turned the other way and there's evidence that we shall uncover here that David was not a good father and so and so the reality of what is happening is masked and everybody on the outside thinks that the royal families doing well and David is famous for winning battles, but he has no idea as to how to control his sons and control his home. Not true of a lot of people.
They may be very good at their business and are successful but when it comes to knowing what to do if a family they just don't have any natural ability to know how to handle situations and abusive families come in and out of churches and they are there everywhere and lo and behold people think everything is fine, but the appearance is one thing, and reality is quite another. Another characteristic is that facts are disregarded. Facts are disregarded. I've already implied that and so we shall hurry to number four. The victim's cries. This is very important. The victim's cries are not heard. Now look at here.
Here's what happened. I'm picking it up in verse 11 when she brought them to him to eat. He took hold of her and said come live with me, my sister, she answered him, she really says no three times know my brother do not violate me another know these things are not done so in Israel and do not do this outrageous thing is for me. Where can I carry my shame. As for you, you would be one like the outrageous pools of Israel.
Therefore now please. I speak to the king, he will not withhold me from you what she's implying is if you talk to her father. He may allow us to marry. She's probably buying time here. Verse 14, but he would not listen to her and being stronger than she. He violated her and lay with her.
One of the things about abusers that they always one to do is to show their power. They want to make sure that the person that they are abusing is a week and powerless. Powerlessness to them is very important and that's why a child whose abuse may actually go with the abuser and be obedient to the abuser and people say why don't they run away. The bonding is such that humiliation is such that they feel that they should stay and continue the abuse. The psychological insights to unpack that are interesting, but we must hurry on and so she says no, three times, but he disregards it. Abusers don't listen.
The father who is abusing that little boy slapping him whatever he disregards the crying of the child. This is no daddy, no daddy, no daddy he has no ears to hear that that's the characteristics of an abuser later on I'm going to be giving some hope to you who are abusers because I know that you're out there by 10 until I get to the end of the message.
I have a word for you until we get there and if you're an abuser. I want you to hear me carefully stop at stop what you are doing. Who do you think you are to be abusing anyone whether it's your wife or your children stop at all right. The victim's cries are not heard. We must hurry on number five. The victim is shame to blamed Andy mean now notice what the text says Amnon hated her with a very great hatred verse 15 so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. I mean, isn't that interesting. Maybe it was in all that he thought it was going to be the experience.
There are other dynamics that are going on. That happens a thousand times in Chicago every week if not more gets what he wants and now he throws her away like the feeling of an orange.
Well, as she says that no she doesn't want to go. She wants to as she says if you send me away. I'm going to be desolate for the rest of my life.
He tosses her out, asks the servants to bolt the door and as far as tamer is concerned that she is ostracized and will be an outcast in Israel. Now notice it says in verse 19 we must skip to their Kmart put ashes on her head toward the long robe that she wore and as she laid her hands on her head.
She went away crying aloud as she went and her brother Absalom said to her, has Amnon your brother been with you now hold your peace. My sister is your brother. Do not take this to heart.
Actually, Absalom is now planning to kill Amnon. That's about the best comfort he could give his sister, his full-blooded sister. Verse 21 when King David heard about it. He was very angry. Good for you, David, and what is it exactly that you're going to do about it.
Answer nothing. You know that Amnon should've been put to death. According to the law. The guy should have been stone but Amnon is going to become theoretically never was. But he was in line to become the king after David is one of his firstborn's and so David backs off a David is not a good father. I know that there are some of you say you can't say such things about David. Only I can. I just did is a matter of fact you know there's a hint in second Kings chapter 1 verse six. It speaks about Adonijah another son who's going to have to be put to death because he has a rebellion against Solomon and that it says regarding Adonijah and his rebellion never did the king cross him or ever speak to him. Why are you doing thus or so. David should have acted differently, even if he had not put Amnon to death. What he should have done is hurried over to tamer and Satan came our I'm absolutely heartbroken over what is happened to you. This is not your fault when you let me write a psalm about you because you know I do write Psalms and and I wanted to be a psalm of lament, but also a psalm of hope and Kmart. I'm going to be here with you in your emotional distress I'm going to walk with you through experience, how differently it would've turned out for tamer but the famous King David, the author of the Psalms didn't do that. He was angry. Maybe because of the moral compromise of chapter 12 had lost his ability to have moral input into the lives of his family. The dysfunctional family keeps going out when the father doesn't do anything. The kids take care of it. They all respond differently Absalom ends up killing Amnon and so forth. Now the question that we have to ask is was tame Mars problem. I know it was really hers, but was her shame ever redeemed.
We don't know for sure but look at what it says there I rented to you a moment ago, Kmart lived at desolate woman and her brother Absalom's house in those days that would've meant that even though it wasn't her fault she was in effect, damaged goods, and as damaged goods. She would never have the opportunity of carrying and bearing children. I suspect she dies is the text describes her desolate woman ostracized from society and that is her story. Now the question that I want to ask is if she had been redeemed and that is to say, could God have redeemed her story. Maybe he did because we don't know how her life ended. I hope that he did. But if he would've one way that he would've would have been able to pour Grace into her soul. She didn't have as much information as we do she lived. Of course, before the cross we live. After the cross, she lived before the prophets wrote, she may have known some of her father's Psalms.
But I don't know how much she knew. But today, my heart breaks for tamer and my heart breaks for all the tame Mars were listening to me right now the Kmart of the past can't be helped, but you can be and I want to encourage you to let God redeem your story is take our Bibles and go to Isaiah chapter 61 for just a few moments. Isaiah 61 where Jesus actually defines his mission. He defines his mission as rebuilding of the soul and I want to have God want you to get permission to God to rebuild your soul no matter what kind of abuse you've endured.
Jesus quotes this in the fourth chapter of the book of Luke when he goes into the synagogue and picks up the scroll, the spirit of the Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, the tame Mars of this world, to proclaim liberty to the captives, the opening of the prison to those who are bound to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor. The last part of verse two will come later. The day of vengeance, but verse three to grant to those who mourn in Zion, to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit that they might be called the Oaks of the Lord, the oaks of righteousness.
Now what I want us to do is to see quickly that there are three statements here that would really help tame our and they are in God's word because they can help you notice God says I'm going to substitute instead of ashes, you member I read that Kmart put ashes on her head that was symbolic of her shame. God says instead of ashes, he says I am going to give them a beautiful headdress, a garland so that ashes are not going to define who you are, but rather the garland that was a garland of beauty on festive occasions. That's who you really are going to become is not beautiful. I invite you today to get rid of the ashes of shame and will talk about that in a moment, my dear friend.
We hear it running to win feel so deeply that the centrality of our message always has to be Jesus. Whether you need emotional or spiritual healing. It is really all about him. And then there are times when we have to defend the faith I've written a book entitled slandering Jesus six lies.
People believe about the man who claimed to be God. It talks about how Christ is viewed in contemporary culture and will help you little help college students, so that all of us know that we must believe in Jesus the Jesus of the New Testament.
This is one of the last days, we are making this resource available for a gift of any amount you can go to RTW offer.com that's RTW offer.com or you can call us at 1-888-218-9337 ask for the book slandering Jesus.
Let me give you that phone number again 1-888-218-9337 it's time now for another chance for you to ask Pastor lutes or a question about the Bible or the Christian life for many believers. Life becomes tedious, even painful to begin to long for their eternal home. David is one such listener. He asks this. What is your opinion about a Christian praying to God to go ahead and take him home to heaven. I'm ready to go and have been asking God for some time to take me home.
Is this a scriptural thing to do or to pray for. Yes, I think it is scriptural in a while I'm speaking about this. My mother is 102. She greatly desires that she would go home to glory and even though I've not heard her pray that she will. I think that there is no doubt but that she prays that regularly you know the apostle pulses in Philippians chapter 1 that he desired to be with Christ, which is far better so I can imagine that if you desire to be with Christ. You're gonna pray that you're going to be with Christ.
But the bottom line is this, you must always let God make the final decision. Don't try to hurry the process because God is not lost your address as you might think that he has. He has a purpose for you. So what you do is you share with God, the desire of your heart to be with him, but at the same time as the apostle Paul did you accept the fact that God makes that decision and pulses to abide in the flesh is much more needful for you. I want to die. God is a purpose for me. Let God be God. Thank you David and thank you Pastor lutes or if you'd like to hear your question answered. Go to our firstname.lastname@example.org and click on ask Pastor lutes or or call us at 1-888-218-9337 that's 1-888-218-9337 you can write to us running to win 1635 N. LaSalle Boulevard Chicago, IL 60614.
Those who have a conscience can feel shame, that sense of embarrassment when caught in a sinful act. There's also the painful same victims of sexual abuse their often for life.
Next time I'm running to win. Join us to learn how to handle both kinds of shame for Dr. Irwin lutes or this is Dave Lister running to win is sponsored by the Moody Church