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February 9, 2021 1:00 am
When the conscience goes dead, a person quickly becomes a narcissist—totally self-absorbed. For those close to such a person, this makes life very difficult. How should we relate to a narcissist?Click here to listen (Duration 25:02)
Horace Jesus longer remember when the conscience goes dead. A person quickly becomes a narcissist totally absorbed in them so those close to such a person.
This makes life very difficult today. More understanding the narcissist and what to do with the church in Chicago. This is with Dr. Sir, whose clear teaching helps us make it across the finish line at certain it's no fun being around self-absorbed people is just easier to avoid them altogether.
Well Dave what wonderful advice you have. Ignore them altogether. Yes, I understand that but if you're married to one then it's another story in my heart today goes out to the many people who are struggling with these relationships within the family and within their marriages and what we need to do is with God's help, and an open Bible see what God has to say and trust him to do what we can't, you know, I've written a book entitled the power of a clear conscience let God free you from your past love for you to have a copy because I think that this resource will be of tremendous help to you. This is where I discuss the kind of issues that were talking about in this series of messages for a gift of any amount. This book can be yours.
Go to RTW offer.com that's RTW offer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337. Now let us listen carefully as we have more insight into narcissism that impossible person people in this world will stab you and leave you bleeding along side of the road. Walk away feeling sorry for themselves.
That's narcissism. Why because they are passed feeling as the Bible says also. They if they admit to something okay narcissist will admit to something.
But he'll minimize okay. I messed up I had an affair, so I'm sorry let's move on, no sense of the depth of the pain that he caused. No sense of the hurt because all that he cares about is let's get let's get this over with, and let me can ask superficially, because whenever I did is a good deal so it's always minimized there something else and that is that they see people entirely as good or evil. Here's what will happen. Narcissist will marry this woman and he will just adore you know you're the greatest thing in the world. I can't believe that I married you yada yada yada then she will not meet his expectations. She will not supply what his ego need and now instead of working through the difficulty.
Now he demonizes her she's the worst possible person everything that she does is wrong. I know that I'm throwing this in were giving us some extra stuff but if you ever are in a divorce with a narcissist and you say to yourself, well, you know, okay, I'll give her the house. I'll give her this just so that we can have peace.
What you'll discover is that that is not enough because what she wants is to destroy you. She wants to destroy and must understand that that's why was so interested in that word in second Timothy never sought before this week on feasible, feasible, and they begin to see the evil that is in them as belonging to you.
So they lie, they manipulate and they use their emotions to come up with truth so they don't need facts, they know who's against them. They know their paranoia as to who it is that's after the they know the evil that other people in the what are your facts. I don't have any.
I just know it. What interesting people. They are well you say pastor Luther enough of that. What are we to do about it. Let me give you a prescription and then were going to turn to the Scriptures.
Of course, which is the answer to human need and is always God is the one who has the answer. First of all, a couple of practical words, if you know anything about narcissism and your living with a person like this. Would you just take a deep breath and remember that they too have a story they have a story and you and I must have the patience to listen to their story probably abused probably a sense of abandonment when they were young, probably may be an alcoholic home and so this self protection. This God would spoken about, begins to take over and done and that may be the cause. Let us remember in this. Remember also that no matter how much evil they do that there's more to them than simply the evil they are human beings and we need to minister to them and help them as such but also and I'm just being very practical here. Having lived a little longer than some of you, though I would begin to think about me being as old as one person I see back there don't have high expectations. If you have company over and they're happy.
That is to say your spouse is happy and enjoying it. After the company leaves they may suddenly and without reason turn into anger control criticism you say to yourself, who did I really marry was at this person.
We're just having fun with or is it the person who turned so violently angry after the company because remember, a narcissist doesn't have to be good, that's for sure. But they certainly have to look good. They have to look good at all costs have to be good so I'm lower your expectations. The other thing that I would suggest to you is that 10 you need to be able to become a whole person in the midst of this, Paul says avoid people like this, but if you're married to them.
That's pretty hard to do so.
What you need to do is to find community find community within the church find small groups find those who can pray with you and for you, so that God will grant you the grace and when sinned against. Do not sin and return but I said it again when sinned against you, not sin. In return, now let me ask the question, can a narcissist change what I believe they can because I believe in grace and nobody should be considered to be beyond the bow God's saving grace.
I think that there are moments of clarity narcissist had I already told you that this summer I preached a version of this message and the next evening woman said you know that my husband, I mean, obviously I would know, but she said I want you to know that my husband is a narcissist, I said was he in the service last night.
She said yes, in fact she said our kids were there too and they were all looking at me as if to say just one look at who he's talking about now. She said her husband's a Bible teacher now don't be surprised at that.
There are many people you see who use the Bible in order to teach others. Truth, but they will not allow the truth of God to penetrate their own hearts there insulated from that but they enjoyed Bible study. They enjoy the public form because then they can communicate and and everybody can say look at how much you know. So it's very important to know that they may be in Christian ministry. Now she went on to say.
She said my husband criticizes every sermon here's why wouldn't he buy me narcissist know better. I mean they have insight that other people lack nothing can please them because their standards are so high because after all they are God. Maybe with a small G, but you can understand. I said well it's interesting. I said what did he say about the message that I preached last night and she said that in her memory. She could never remember a time like last night when they drove all the way home and he did not have one to say about my message.
I thought maybe, maybe there was a shaft of light and maybe he saw himself. I mean, we're talking your serious matters because narcissist don't see themselves. That's why everybody needs counseling but he is wrong like a woman watching the parade and she says everyone is out of step except my son Ryan, take your Bibles turn to the book of Psalm 139 here's an answer for a narcissist, and if it's an answer for a narcissist that I do for you. I'm enjoying this message. I hope that you are to I know how convicting it. I know how convicting Psalm 139. David says this old Lord you have searched me and known me.
It's a done deal. God knows everything, both actual and possible about as he says you know when I sit down and when I rise up how many times did you sit down or get up. I have no idea couldn't count. God knows the number and he does not know yesterday better than he knew. 50 years ago. Accurate knowledge.
You understand my thoughts of far off what he means is before I think the thought.
You know anything is he knows all of our thoughts. He knows those thoughts of how we deeply resent people who minimize us how deeply we resent those people are more successful than we at her own game. The somebody who is more beautiful. Somebody was more gifted.
We God sees those thoughts to and God sees it.
When we hypocritically come to church and pretend that we love people and glad hand people because we want to be thought of as loving when in our hearts were despising them. God sees all thoughts while he sees the things that we watch on our computer that we raise cc all of these things, they are entirely present to him. He says there isn't a word in my tongue, but low, old Lord, I know it altogether before I stand up to speak before the words are formed, and I actually save them. You already know. Imagine that not only do you know them, but you know all the words that I wish I could speak because of various reasons I don't speak them publicly there spoken in my heart and to a narcissist.
I would say that God knows the fears, how scary it is to think that you might be exposed, how how difficult it would be and how much shame you want to hear and that's why you're all closed up and you come to church with your arms crossed, intending to be critical of what's happening because after all, you can't let God get close to you and show you. Not only does David say that God knows us exhaustively and he also says that God knows us eternally, eternally, and by the way you notice most crime is committed.
At night it says that verse nine. If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of this, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me if I say will surely the darkness shall, cover me and the light is going to be night is going to be light about every thing that you do is in broad daylight to God. Not only does God know us exhaustively. God knows us eternally.
Verse 13 for you formed my inward parts, you knitted me together in my mother's will. You were there superintending the DNA that I would eventually have been the confluence of genes that would produce me it was you that didn't make me. As beautiful as the person next door work it is you who gave me certain limitation is you who were there and you were supervising all that and by the way, because God doesn't learn anything that ever dawned on you that nothing has ever dawned on God because of that throughout all of eternity. He knew there's no new knowledge.
God doesn't say what you know, I know a lot, but still had to do some study once in a while. Simple thing my frame was not verse 15 was not hidden from you when I was being made in secret, and intricately woven in the depths of the earth. What he means is when I was in my mother's womb. You were there. Your eyes saw my unformed substance in your book were written every one of them. The days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them wow how precious on Camille Goddard.
I thought it is too much for me.
He says that the knowledge God had blows your mind.
Just go to Lake Michigan and watch the waves come in and I think they always come in at about 22 times a minute. No matter how fast the wind is blowing is just the waves are bigger, but every time a wave comes in. I noticed the juxtaposition of sand changes and God knows the long to chewed, and the latitude of every grain of sand on the seashore's of the world, even as those grains of sand shift their position.
Now David gets to the end of the Psalm, and what does he say in verse 23 verse 23 search me oh God, and know my heart wait a moment. Is David contradicting himself. Verse one. You have searched me and known me, and now he comes and says search me what's going on in the text. David says I know that you know all of me and now I'm asking you to show me you see my friend today and this is for all of us.
This isn't just for some group of people called narcissist in the presence of God.
We can have total honesty, total honesty, because were not telling him anything. He doesn't know anyway we can spill out our hearts and we can pray this prayer even as I did this week. All oh God, show me what you see. Show me as much as I am able to handle of who I really am in my deceitful heart show that to me. I want a conscience that is free of offense before God and before others and I want to sensitive conscience.
I don't want to be hired and I don't want to be calloused.
I don't want to be past feeling. And so we pray to God revealed to us so that we can confess it and and have the security to know that we can confess to others to we can admit and this is why, again, small groups, and interaction in church is so important is what we can admit who we are without fear of being rejected or thrown away because God you know everything anyway.
Why is it so hard for narcissist to change or for that matter, all of us to tell you why that in their hardens.
State they would rather destroy everyone around them including their family, they'd rather do that than let God change them.
They really what you know. Jesus told a very interesting parable. He said that two people went into a temple to pray know this whole story and he says that one was righteous. Two men went into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.
The Pharisee standing by himself prayed look. God, I thank you that I'm not like other men there, extortioners, unjust, adulterers even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week I get my tithes of all that I get in other words, I'm nothing really to repent is this tax collector. He has something to repent but I don't I just hold myself up as an example of prudence and discipline righteousness, but the tax collector, standing far off would not even lift up his eyes to heaven bracing truck being merciful to be the center Jesus that I tell you that this man went home justified God being propitious God.
God grant me grace. The grace of your forgiveness and of course that's why Jesus died.
He died on the cross as a sacrifice so that all people who believe on him maybe say now hear me carefully. There some people after repent of their sins, they are like the tax collector.
He had repent of this sentence, which I'm sure were many, but hear me now there's some people who have to repent of their righteousness.
That's what they have to repent of this Pharisee had to repent of his righteousness of his self righteous and today I'm speaking to some of you who know that you are sinners.
There's hope for you is Jesus died for sinners, but I'm speaking to those of you who see yourself as righteous, send about these things for you. It is very difficult because you have to repent of your righteousness. Jesus said I came not to save the righteous, but sinners to repentance. Whether you're a narcissist or not. My how I've prayed that if you are you'll hear this message. We all have to repent of our righteousness and say old tripod. I don't care how much I get. I don't care how well I am honored. I don't care about my faithfulness.
I stand before you as a sinner in need of grace in need of the forgiveness and the transformation that you intend to bring about in my life. Paul says they profess to know God.
They all know you list all the sins they profess to know God, but they deny his power.
They've never been transformed and if they are transform their hard hearts need to be broken in the presence of the spirit and then after that, of course, they are healed through community through community through connection through healthy relationships.
What a narcissist needs but most of the time they think they don't need anything and so they live their isolated life in their own little world and this world becomes their world so work world, but to them it is reality. What is God talking about today whether or not you're in the balcony or here for your listening by radio or the Internet so many different ways nowadays to listen to a message would you stop right now and tell God that you are willing to do what ever he wants you to do to break out of self-righteousness and to come as a sinner in need of renewing your conscience so that it could be said of you. You have a love from a pure heart and good conscience and a sincere faith. I wish I could pray with all of you wish should be feasible for us to get on her knees today and seek God's probably logistically not feasible but that's what we need to do is a church. We need to seek him would you do that at home with her without someone lock yourself into a room and say to God, search my heart. I want to deal with issues that I've neglected father, help us because were sinners and we thank you for the love of Jesus which is deep. We thank you that the one who knows us the best loves us the most and therefore we can be secure in sharing our own needs. Sharing who we are letting the mask drop so that in the midst of that reality, we may see the power of God do that at the Moody church and for all who are listening desperately needed in Jesus name on my friend, this is Pastor Luther.
No matter where you are listening to this message today if possible get before God and ask him to reveal to you what you must do in his presence to understand yourself and to understand him and be totally honest in his presence. I believe that these messages have been a great blessing to so many.
Would you like to listen to them again and again.
Here's what you do you go to RTW offer.com now for a gift of any amount. These messages can be yours.
The title of this series is the power of a clear conscience let me give you that contact information again RTW offer.com or if you prefer you can call us at 1-888-218-9337 and I want to from the depths of my heart thank the many of you who stand with us regularly with your prayers and with your gifts together.
We are making a difference in here at running to win. We keep our eyes on the vision to help you make it all the way to the finish line.
That's why we make these resources available to you. Here's what you can do. As I mentioned earlier, go to RTW offer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337 the name of the sermon series is the power of a clear conscience. You can write to ask run into when 1635 N. LaSalle Boulevard Chicago, IL 60614 tragic, all too many people use suicide in the miserable life. Next time I'm running to win. Why no, depression is so deep that any of us have to kill ourselves to stop this is Dave McAllister running to win this monster by the Moody church