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23- How to Help A Friend Struggling With Addiction?

The Cure / Aimee Cabo
The Truth Network Radio
May 6, 2019 4:30 pm

23- How to Help A Friend Struggling With Addiction?

The Cure / Aimee Cabo

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May 6, 2019 4:30 pm

On today's show, Aimee talks with Dr. Nikolov and guest John Collopy talk about how to help a friend who is struggling with addiction and what impact can you have.  

THE CURE Live streamed podcast is hosted by Aimee Cabo and offers a platform of hope to anyone who has experienced domestic violence, abuse, mental illness, any trauma or is experiencing problems now in their lives. It's a place to find comfort, knowledge, strategies, answers, hope and love while healing the wounds and 'affirming' that you are not alone.  

Join Aimee and her professional guests on  The Cure with Aimee Cabo podcast    every Saturday at 1 PM EST  as it is recorded during the live radio show.

You can find information about the show and past guests by visiting the  RADIO SHOW PAGE.

You can also view the weekly  Video podcasts  on Apple Podcasts.  

Aimee hopes that anyone who has suffered abuse of any kind, or walked a moment in similar shoes, will find inspiration in these pages, and hope that love and truth will ultimately prevail. Please subscribe and share this podcast.
 
HOSTS:

Aimee Cabo Nikolov is a Cuban American who has lived most of her life in Miami. After many years of healing, finding love, raising a family and evolving her relationship with God, Aimee's true grit and courage led her to pen an honest, thought-provoking memoir. Years of abuse became overshadowed with years of happiness and unconditional love. Now Aimee is the president of IMIC Research, a medical research company, a speaker, radio host and focused on helping others. You can read more about Aimee by  visiting her website.
 
Dr. Boris Nikolov is the CEO of Neuroscience Clinic. You can read more about Dr. Nikolov and the work he is doing by  visiting his website.

GUESTS:

John Collopy is the author of the book The Reward of Knowing which relates his own struggles with addiction. “Friends can play an important role, just not the primary role, in helping those with those addicted to alcohol and drugs recover.” You can read more about John on his website.

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Kabul is brought to you by volume OIC research life can bring many difficult situations, domestic violence, addictions, poverty and even sexual abuse by your love ones welcome Amy Cobb and Q sharing with Dr. Barnes, Nicola always by my high. I created this salad face to send that there is hope after going to difficulty keeping you in the habit of suffering is going to be here to help and were trying to use testimonies so that the people another night alone and we can be there for each other.

We also invite professionals and motivational speakers that can give suggestions and can help us as well is helping each other because April is to help prevent child abuse prevention month. We discussed a lot of topics about abuse also discuss topics about posttraumatic stress disorder. Available treatments how to prevent it, make other mental health problems, and many others. Basically if you're suffering from everything.

There's maybe a way that we can help. As a survivor. I hope to inspire others encourage transparency and find strength in knowing that those who suffer are not alone and that those who seal insurmountable odds. You accessed. For example, I am a survivor and adult survivor long-term childhood abuse of all kinds, sexual, emotional and physical sample rates, addiction, domestic violence, followed by putting use of custody battles, poverty, loss, near-death experience, and I also know what it's like. Tongs have a daughter killed have her endure severe brain injury have to bring her back to health thing about the health for three years and it's not easy and she hates you so it's not that because I'm here. I don't have problems. Life still goes on and we all do have problems that I find myself successful and that's why I'd like to share my testimony and success can be something as complicated as the scientific discovery is just doing something meaningful as complicated as scientific discovery is as simple as raising your kids or setting a good example. Today I'd like to speak about addiction and how we can overcome it and a person that is that good example is today's guest John Pahlavi John Pahlavi is the author of the book the reward of knowing which relate to struggles with addiction. John is the owner and broker of RE/MAX results in a subsequent 38 offices across Minnesota and Wisconsin. With annual sales of more than 5.3 billion regarding Matt's result is now one of the most largest RE/MAX franchises in the world. John currently lives in Minnesota with his wife and children. Hi John, thank you for joining us forever merely it's wonderful that you are willing to share with us because I have my own experience with addiction and I can tell you that I did try everything and it was years and it was very difficult and it's amazing that you were able to write a blog to teach us ways that we can deal with addiction tell us a little bit about that for example let's say a friend might want to help someone that they're not sure if the person is really addicted on drugs and speaking about the support system. What can the support system Q how can they pick up on signs that it's actually addiction and they're not imposing on the person will target all one of the most typical question is very very unusual.

You can have an impact on another person's addiction. The problem is what a person is addicted to, or to lower level of addiction is hard to ascertain know if you can get him to see if there was therapist can be invaluable when doing you can do because of all droid things that you've seen are aware of violence are well you know you may be able to do an intervention with a professional but let me give you an example. I will work very successful. Played a lot of golf decided he was drinking too much. After golf any needed bequests on his mind. He crossed the line for alcohol was now taking away from his family, and sold the exact opposite would be a person that I know of the Salvation Army who had been the treatment and detox, possibly more than 20 times before his brain. You had enough and there's no way to zero in on with the person that your friend or family member that you're concerned about because even if your observation is clear that there is a problem of they may not be ready to admit it, pointing out the problem is unlikely to have much significance I'm wrong. Most addicts are people that are suffering looking for a way how are way too skinny and I think the first thing we have to do is accepts the source that's causing this.

What's causing our addiction.

I think what you said has quite a bit of truth to it.

There are many addicts who enrolled erratic and to continue to be a even though they know that it's ultimately going to kill him just because they preferred the idea of injecting heroin to not in is that the drug is making them think that way I possibly their also lucid enough to know that they're making a decision that is going to cause them to have a dramatically shorter life or do something that's criminal and so most people when they view chemical dependency.

They're looking for what caused no fun thing about that is in the early days of a day back in about 18 companies when they started, there was no desire to know why the only thing you say I am and I'm powerless to stop it and you had to give up to a higher power and so they didn't look for the reason that much just I am people are more introspective about my personal phase 5 came from a family that was very dysfunctional. My dad was chemically dependent and violent. And my mom was hanging around with dad also abuse alcohol, so we are part of things like this when you look at it.

My sister observed this in one country to another.

No light for me and I looked at and despite how much I dislike my parents were doing it on usability, 13 so that's hard to figure out where it comes from and how you get tired.

I think some of it is potentially a genetic code and I think some of it is learned behavior.

Neither of those are staying factually, those are just my observation from years of being involved with people who are like you don't have to become your environment's. It's kind of like you have to become your environment pretty much just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean you have to do it, you have to admit also.

I grew up in a very moving blue-collar neighborhood and theory in the neighborhood I grew up in that if you could go to work on Monday morning, whatever you did and the weekend was fine. Didn't make any difference if you do the craziest behavior. If you can hold a job. You're too far gone in info if you grew up in the more college oriented community were majority of the people are educated, you know that wouldn't be the same norms. So yeah it is hard to figure out where that comes from but I do think that we observe it know my peer group.

The guys that were my buddies and so guess what I will not because I hang around if I will not want to kill her when I dropped out of high school and I would've been on my way to going to Harvard. My life would've been different. But it wasn't so. The environment is a big part of of what can affect you. Yes you can make a decision not to do it. I.e. my sister.

She didn't go down that route was I'm dumb I just know that this is exactly what you seen because it very difficult to many years.

I was very blessed to have a loving support system, somebody me unconditionally and allow me to realize that what I was doing was wrong on my own and sometimes that's what it takes. You can't force someone to do something they have to study the reality for themselves and so that business to this question. What are some tips that you can tell me how to get addict to confront their reality and change of yeah that's the catch 22. Very difficult to do that.

Like I said you can get them to see a therapist. You can get and do an intervention. You can invite them to an AA meeting but so hard because they're just not that what's more likely to occur is a friend or family member is going to enable them to continue to abuse drugs or alcohol by quote being there for how many parents can kick out an 18-year-old who was using drugs you're on your own schedule yet but that's what you gotta do is abusing drugs and you're doing the money in the house to do it your supporting his addiction as opposed to drawing the line in order to be part of it and I don't know. That's pretty hard and able US kid knows that an easy thing to do and doing what's right with your friends or family or employees that are chemically dependent, very, very difficult syndrome to the question coming.

This is a very hard decision to make because you have your child's abusing any teaching me Mr. what if you over those of us in and then would you feel responsible for what happened to him. How do you decide when and when to actually due to I guess you don't want to make it easy for him need for a friend. 10.6 help you can find our hair while it is your child is a heroin addict and they died from a heroin overdose is absolutely not your fault it's a choice, the child may and you can love your child at a very high level but you can live their life force if they had chosen to have that life file. You can be aware of it but if you're more likely to have a positive impact by making sure you're not helping them by enabling them and giving them a place to live.

That you go you know what it once again with the ultimate result of that is something horrific occurs. It is of the parents fault they didn't do it, they most likely tried their best to raise the kid with a perfect know nobody on earth is perfect, but it child decision to use and abuse drugs will lead to their downfall and you know one of the things that people can do when they have family members and friends suffering from addiction, the, the wing of Alcoholics Anonymous called Al-Anon is where you go. Course with other people are emphatic but are faced with dealing with people with erratic sponsors for I know you talking about sponsors and for me the reason I condescending here is because my sponsor was God. The only time I thought that I completely healed and I was able to do the right thing. I got seriously decided to pay everything back for this vaccine.

This is the can host any capital return will continue talking about this case tale is focusing and overcoming addiction had a fight program to help if you want call to share your story. You never know you might even help your testimony could be very profound and really help someone you have no idea. I number is 30554123 fax email again. That's 305-541-2350 wife. You have a question for he would like to talk to John canopy. This is I'm so tired. I dropped Troy's members doing these days is you already and even sexual abuse by your loved ones.

The issue is not stay there, but to overcome all obstacles show that with the love of God, your husband and your family. You can succeed. Love is the answer. God is the cure reveals from a very sincere and honest position. Amy Carbo's life, a warrior who didn't give up and achieve the dream of her life. You can get to know more about her at her story on www.godisthekeyword.com for buying her book on Amazon.com and now we continue with Amy Carbo in the 218 80 abuse so this is here today and joined always to voice and our special guest is John canopy yet still with us right anyhow. Johnny had a question for you because I understand that we should not be silent, and we should try to help our friends and in China to the problem of course they and then if they don't turn to help see their problem to threaten them if they don't get help is always a simple what it child and you know you tout know any better and I am thinking should Shoot that child be confronted individually. When Dino indicated confront that talking visually or as a group because personally my experience, my years of drug abuse. My husband gave me my psychiatrist called an enabler that had confronted me, it would not have worked out had he tried group group thing that would not have worked easier. I had to come to the realization for myself and see it for myself and I understand that not everyone can sometimes they do need help. Could you tell me a little bit about this. I think your right solution for you. But as you said not everybody is going to be able to be that self confronted the vast majority people are going to need a support system and the most successful support system, decades and decades and decades is you know becoming involved in Alcoholics Anonymous alcohol in finding somebody in the similar place that you can you mention the word before how some people have success when they have a sponsor in those groups.

But one thing that you're talking about is really hard to focus on it. For example, when I was 13 years old and I was drinking and by the time I was 14, 15, I was starting to use drugs. I think if my child did that I would absolutely confronted because there are minor and they live under your in and I'm to make it clear that this is not acceptable behavior, and if the breaking laws on find ways to enforce those laws but I'm to get them into counseling psychologist ASAP, but I'm not going to just shrug my shoulders and though I guess that happens with teenagers or adolescents.

I'm way more confront when somebody has an addiction problem was an employee. I have a weird rule that I called three strikes you're out will and so with that said, very weird thing that if I have an employee something comes up and it's clear they're having a drug or alcohol problem with the attendance or behavior I'll tell them to get help and I'll suggest ways to do it if it comes up again. I'll tell them to get help and suggest ways to do it and if it comes up the third time, the loser job that right away. I got his right.

That's kind of like my father in the first strike broke so tell me, is there time you should not confront the problem depends upon your relationship so it if I have a guy I grew up with and you know it's 20 years after our teenage years and he's really in trouble.

I don't know if I can have any impact on his life, but I know in the past I would typically set up a lunch appointment or a coffee appointment with a good friend who struggling not start in on the chemical dependency guardian going on here where the spouse in the scene where the conversation goes like it do they listen to just leave all of course that's an outstanding question. Dr. in my case because of how crazy I was as a youngster you know pilings incarcerated. You know the different things that happened to me.

If it's people that know me I I have a lot of people that have respect for how my life is change right bowl they're not necessarily going to do anything but they're going to give me a chance to talk to. I never had anybody tell me to stick it up my you know what size I've never had that I've not had you know of a miraculous level of success, but most people are willing to hear me out and know that I'm there for only one reason, and that's because I care about these slight that's wonderful. I will is is you know work is way more than half of my life that I'm awake and I gotta like it. And I gotta like the people I work with and and you know you you work with somebody for a long period of time and you develop a different level of caring. And when you see them you know risking their family and their career you you step into it, but I once again I have adjusted people whose drugs and alcohol severely impacted their performance on the Alamo was you say because of his everything in our societies based on background checks and situations like that when you would you lobby for employees not to be so strict when they employ people that have a criminal criminal felony. The sale of processional something later Dr. just outstanding.

Because just recently we had somebody apply for job marijuana felony and they had some things going form that we liked in terms of the interviews they had and so it ends up on my desk and so I bring that be a gentleman I bring the gentleman in and what going on out of this happen for yet in your life now and then. The question I have in those particular situations. You know what your support system for staying straight and I did hire the guy's so far so good. Long enough.

He had a clear background he was willing to share with me who is sponsor was a repeat. Dr. sponsor has sponsor agreed with and so he seemed pretty forthright with me and so if one of my managers or executives who don't have an experience in chemical dependency. I think they were just with the hired because it's too much of a risk sell on nothing online on the guy that I think is like the sobriety gives us a pretty good chance to have an outstanding employee and we should should be working on. Second chances and the Cisco listings embraced. We should get people second trust good. Thank you and I wish more people are lying right you because I'll tell you my story I started when I was very young I had my daughter when I was a single mother and started with leaders and doing cocaine and then I would try anything there lies and I was just trying to escape feeling that I do not know why I was feeling that I had to get to a point where I was getting better to realize that I needed not to escape anymore that it got behind, points that I even tried to crack and there was a sting anything after the dealer got me and I became a felon and I have I guess I can record because they haven't done drugs and many, many years.

I've turned my move around. I've turned it over to God and my kids got up Catholic private school that last year's of course part of your cabling private school is to do in July was volunteer up volunteer hours & the previous two years with the record that I have course, my daughter very excited that I will my first book ever distributes my memoir and guess what I'm allowed to go so you know anything people easy pass against you anymore. This sad to say, that's not to so the one benefit I had is my criminal activity will go.

The last thing I did was what my my last criminal event.

I'd be the top and beat him up pretty bad.

Brokers are so I was looking at present time, but I had an amazing lawyer who was able to get the judge to put me in treatment jail posttreatment second and then eliminate the felony so I was just flat-out lucky that I don't have so I think the fact that you've done as well as you have with that because that is people are very little about looking at. I will hire people with felony. But man, they're going to get the heck interviewed with them and there's another person we hired recently that we drug test regular do you ask him to sign like that yes absolutely absolutely come to work for us. What we do and we actually have that in the end most of our agreement, we can submit the drug person were upfront with the and we like your skills, but it's pretty reason you suffered problems and so what I want to stay in touch through the other with no history of some alcohol problems and I'm not confident how well she's doing and I will have a little family chat require.

I'm not convinced you quit the loan that is just wonderful.

Thank you and I was just just tell you about that. I wanted to share with our listeners with me.

I turned my life to God.

I know that I had to leave the country to get away from crack back and I change my life around and the only way that I was feel better about myself that I would not find me to escape. Started with prayer and to change the things I did highlight highlight one of the same point things I learned not to expect anything and that's a little talk about when we get back. For those that are teaming in this is to care yes to any capital opportunity for sharing personal story steel shares be helpful to other people number is 305-541-2350 again that's 305-541-2350.

This is Mercy me by Sean holding me so easily know as undersea. So now show me all the same. Me anymore to you so we baby, you know. Violence is poverty used by your love.

The issue is not stay there, but to overcome all obstacles and show that with the love of God, your husband and your family. You can succeed.

Love is the answer.

God is the cure reveals from a very sincere and honest position. Amy Cabo's life, a warrior who didn't give up and achieve the dream of her life.

You can get to know more about her at her story on www.godisthekeyword.com or buying her book on Amazon.com and now we continue with Amy Cabo and the 218 80 come back here about and talking about each 10 and I just had something. Now I know that we suffer, I know. And you're like to be set free from that song you are a puppy on the streams for the drugs and I remember that even in the highest moment when I was super high page God talk to God when I was with the friends of friends were very high. Talk about God would make fun of me like that so that God did have mercy on me. He did, I found a way not to feel bad even before I realized what was the source. Whenever my book and it took me a long time. I have learned not to expect anything have to avoid things that make me feel that if you don't expect anything will be disappointed and expect others to treat you the same way and return don't even expect to be treated equally disappointed and expect others to think the same weight and understand or even think the retail I don't expect to feel better will be happy on the phone but being a good mood.

I don't expect all things to turn out right.

But I know I can dependent God if it doesn't I don't expect my prayers to be answered. God knows the first year of my custody battle. I pray to God, please take this hell away from me many reasons why I was suffering. She did 14 years later it's not God's good time and let he found what I'm praying about is not his will so the only thing I can expect is for me to do the right thing to love unconditionally, to treat others the way you connect them to treat you to be tolerant of differences to try to be understanding and compassion to think of others and be considering. To be honest, courageous and hard-working to be of good cheer, despite life getting in the way thanks problems take care of all the things you have learned to appreciate everything tolerate mistakes and the mistakes of others. I hope you both know that I would make a mistake in the past and I knew that was a better way to do it now take on Saddam that was. I can't believe that I could have said that was the smartest way to do it that these are things that I realized that I continued to meet myself feel better if I became the person I wanted to be. Then I be upset about myself so I want to ask you about your book.

I know that you talk about your struggles with addiction. Can you tell me a little bit about how you were able to overcome it is what you just said we sold. I hope people listen to what you just talked about because it was so insightful on how honest you have to be with yourself dealt.

I was in trouble and I was at the bottom of light I work with so many chemically dependent people and it depends upon what your bottom. You clearly had reached a point in your life work you wanted something different and so I was fortunate enough that I was such a bad situation. You know my lawyer got me out of prison time. I went to the workhouse when I was in the workhouse.

I was so humiliated by the people that I was incarcerated with made me shake my head and go. How can I make fun of these people. I'm one of felt like a loser and then all this treatment center after jail gave me a better foundation in here something might find interesting in some of the listeners might one of the problems that happen sometimes with some frequency is the people will make a decision to quit their drug or alcohol or goal and in it doesn't impact their life much they're sober so they're not going to jail, but they're not necessarily doing other behavior changes to feel better about who they are in life. I yeah I was lucky in the variety really was meaningful to me and you know using the basis of a a and submitting yourself to your higher power. However you define God in your world and releasing that you know you're not in charge of everything going on a lot of benefit in that and then therefore I got a break that not everybody, my life started to get better because I had never been a sober adult and so I'm now 23 and in my sobriety is allowing me to get a real job allowing me to buy a house to buy a car while you do have the first sober girlfriend of my life. I like golf and so that was a benefit because the sobriety of was reinforced by an improvement in my lifestyle and it made me a happier person now as this is the person who sober.

I have dealt with many adult issues. I had anxiety.

I suffer from depression and I am still battling anger management and you'll see my therapist regularly so I'm not like finished but there are. I agree I'm not finished happy and so I just got to keep working on these things that the track for my happiness lit. You know what I would have rolled region I would beat somebody up along the highway. I would get an exhilaration but then I feel stupid afterwards and I had to learn to eliminate that the what if I hadn't sobered up. None of those other behavior characteristics could have been worked up because you go sober up first before you can work on your other mental health issues. I understand that perfectly understand the anger parts because I have to just see what Agnes PTSD approximate 500 ADD funds and now I understand that because not so much because it just because I'm not doing drugs at the moment and have a long time that little things little annoyances throughout the day. I tend to get me angry and everything seems to go around one after the other after the other after the other, has been not bother him like he's on everything and normally don't happen if I thought unacceptably serious XM hits. Once she got it, but for some electric company. I don't know that station in serious XM or remote office and doesn't work just things that normally don't happen if things that normally happen.

I'm okay with it.

The things that normally don't happen, I get a little irritated medium that I'm working on that one thing I was going to myself when you talk about you know some of the issues have and I use the generic may not be very professional and I go, you crazy so many of us are, you know, I'm clearly crazy. My only problem is not dependent that had to be solved important work on the other problem in terms of learning how to be in a relationship and learning how to talk to people and you know once again dealing with the depression and not being a square there to take medication or seeing a psychologist man that was all heart born in the right direction enough in the complaint. I just wanted to tune to sense as we know addiction is also a disease it's not just the simple misbehavior. So we really need to work a lot on the as far as Don just name and label people to use drugs or alcohol because sometimes it's very hard for them to even start because it is a disease is not reinforced right circumstances. Getting better and I understand exactly what you're saying is a consensus don't get better but here's the beautiful thing God has provided us with the Army image of Christ how perfect our body heals itself.

Our minds have unlimited potential. And you know what circumstances doesn't change for that person. We can be there for each other that person can find someone that will be there for them.

I can help them classify their sponsors and I do believe that God sees people that God talks to people and that he helps people whether or not the file. Whether knocking Ellie July, so something covariant it interesting that you doing I see that you help the community you found it a foundation so you're trying to help others. Thank you company called result foundation right and you know I think last year we sold 26,000 houses in my company and the portion of every transaction goes to the foundation. We do fundraisers golfing. We solicited the support from communities in the war up to about $300,000 euro fudge I set my business up really weird in that I own a mortgage in the real estate in the title company and I want some real state and and all that is going to end up being the property of the result foundation so the charity is going to be funded indefinitely in my company is always going to stay the same or never sell it. It's always good to have the same name but will continue to raise more and more and more money in my dream is long after I longed 40 million back in the community every year because of the success of our brokerage so I I don't I don't plan on cashing out of my business.

I plan on giving back to the community because I have nothing to people would work with us in the I really feel very very positive about giving back there's an old saying that's pretty corny. That is, the more you give the more you get.

And I'm here to tell you that there is proof of that section you know how to get involved in you charity with volunteering working part of or even knowing about you poking the website.E.LLCLLLOPY John canopy.com is there any way that they can get in touch with you. That's the main know that's a good way.

The name of my company is RE/MAX results is located in Minneapolis, Minnesota and Wisconsin, they can always look me up that way the book the reward of knowing is not Amazon their stuff about me and the blurbs on that if you Google my name. There's all kinds of wacky stuff. The pops up about who I am and what I've done so. So I'm more than happy to communicate or help with anybody. So if you're a listener and you're going to die.

I like a clarification or something. My advice is to get the book. But if you need something that's beside the book. Please let me know by email or however you like, communicate, and I'll be happy to reach out to you. That's also so if anybody website. I can also be there for them. I can now I don't have a charity. This is maybe one day I'll keep trying and down. Thank you so much John so nice to know that there's people like you out there that can have nothing to give people a second chance is the past against type, don't touch, then that is so so valuable in today's world, and I think the rule you and the doctor play in being here people because I guarantee you there's people listening to this broadcasts that are struggling so congratulations Amy and the doctor on the great job you're doing helping people and anything you think I can do in the future. I'd be happy to purchase thing to think so much time. Thank you for having me some rascally guys leave, sound and wonderful spending time with you guys think you mean the six-year host Amy L leave you with the sounds of moon is full of the door and closer the saying that you will domestic violence addictions, poverty and even sexual abuse by your loved ones.

The issue is not stay there, but to overcome all obstacles and show that with the love of God, your husband and your family. You can succeed. Love is the answer. God is the key work reveals from a very sincere and honest position. Amy Cabo's life, a warrior who didn't give up and achieve the dream of her life. You can get to know more about her at her story on www.godisthekeyword.com buying her book on Amazon.com with Amy Cabo was brought to you by my MIC research 786-310-7477 or www.godisthekeyword.com. Tune in every Friday at 2 PM for Q1 with Amy Cabo right here on 880 use


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