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December 23, 2018 9:48 am
In today's episode Aimee and guest host Dr. Boris Nikolov take a look at the affects of trauma for both adults and children. Aimee shares some things that have helped her deal with trauma and move toward recovery.
THE CURE Live streamed podcast is hosted by Aimee Cabo and offers a platform of hope to anyone who has experienced domestic violence, abuse, mental illness, any trauma or is experiencing problems now in their lives. It's a place to find comfort, knowledge, strategies, answers, hope and love while healing the wounds and 'affirming' that you are not alone.
Join Aimee and her professional guests on The Cure with Aimee Cabo podcast every Saturday at 1 PM EST as it is recorded during the live radio show.
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Aimee hopes that anyone who has suffered abuse of any kind, or walked a moment in similar shoes, will find inspiration in these pages, and hope that love and truth will ultimately prevail. Please subscribe and share this podcast.
Aimee Cabo Nikolov is a Cuban American who has lived most of her life in Miami. After many years of healing, finding love, raising a family and evolving her relationship with God, Aimee's true grit and courage led her to pen an honest, thought-provoking memoir. Years of abuse became overshadowed with years of happiness and unconditional love. Now Aimee is the president of IMIC Research, a medical research company, a speaker, radio host and focused on helping others. You can read more about Aimee by visiting her website.
Dr. Boris Nikolov is the CEO of Neuroscience Clinic. You can read more about Dr. Nikolov and the work he is doing by visiting his website.
Day two brought to you by my MIC research life can bring many difficult situations, domestic violence, addictions, poverty and even sexual abuse by your loved ones welcome, Amy, and the day care about eating an online IWW job 880 that eight.com makes a state later in the shell we will be opening lines for any cottage that would like to call and I shall mainly covers different from us, whether it be physical or emotional, and ways to try to recover and healing and how we can learn from each other and be there from each other.
I'm here joined by Boris Niccolo hi how are you and he's going to be the one that's going to be giving you guys as nice as I go along some information that you might find helpful, but I wanted to start this segment with same that last show that I have left an impression on me because the lady that I had called Van she was suffering so much and it really really left an impression on me that I thought I really hope that she contacts me and I was thinking different ways that I would be able to help her, and really the only way that I can honestly help her is what I know from personal experience. So I started to think about the ways that I was able to survive but I did because some people think that when I went to was pretty horrible. I to have gone to sexual abuse sent 7 to 16 physical abuse in my adolescence by the hands of my parents and radiates and custody battles, and domestic violence. These are all things I've been able to survive and I did it with the help of God. I also think I didn't have much of a choice. Honestly, I was too busy trying to survive as a single mother I had my daughter when I was 18 and when she turned a year old. I was going to custody battles, so I was too busy going to school, trying to keep up my grades so it so I can look at in court and going to custody battles 2 to 3 times a year. I really didn't have any time to think about what had happened to me or what I had been for you. I was too busy think God trying to be there for someone else, which was my saving grace for many years because I think by many years. That way, minimizing it, putting it behind me ignoring it, making pretend it wasn't there but it came out in other ways it came out in bad coping mechanisms and negative behaviors. There was a time that I would drink a lot. There was times that I did drugs. There was times that I had death wishes it was times that I was very depressed that I kneel even though when I was depressed. Life had to continue.
I had to carry on and I had to attend to my daughter's needs and be there for her and Leifheit to continue forming no matter what because I knew somewhere in my heart. I had hoped that God did love me and he had better hopes for me and he had a better plan at least the plan that I didn't know. But here's the thing when just last year is when I decided because I was praying every day paying about three I decided to write a book. It was then that I came to terms with all that happened to me. Granted, after my daughter turned 14.
All my troubles had ended and I was now married and that's when they realized all the things for so many years I didn't even think about. I went to some emotions. In fact, we have things like my stomach hurting from 30 minutes to an hour in the morning could not be litigated by anything so I did go through my emotions and I had to come to a point where I had to make a decision. Was I cannot allow what happened in my life to continuing to continue to affect me.
I realized that these purse people had the right to hurt me. At that time. That doesn't give them the right to continue hurting them for hurting me forever. I realize that I deserve better.
I realize that I can continue on with my life and do what I had to do and I prayed a lot. That's what help me throughout Valente something it wasn't easy. I wasn't always this way. Rome wasn't built in a day.
It took me many years for me to get to where I am today. It doesn't come that easy. In fact, it took me a long time to learn about 25 years of abuse. Yet that's a pale time to learn, but I don't know Bobby what you think I have I been very dramatic throughout the years. All I can say that yes, there were a couple of Mormons was very well, you'll have your moments right.
That's what the life is all about different moments. Well I learned a lot from those from this experience is that I had.
I learned that if you want to stay close to God and you wanted be able to help others you have to correct yourself. I learned to start making the right decisions.
I learned that I cannot use my excuse or condition ask that I cannot use my condition as an excuse saying that I'm not capable. I learned to suffer in silence not to complain, because after all, what can my loved ones do about it. Not much, so why make them suffer to learn to love unconditionally think about then because when you're doing for them. Believe it or not, it comes back to you in and helping others and forgiving others, you learn to forgive yourself and help yourself but there's something that I found very enlightening and and I want to share it with you guys is called your list sold.
Don't allow yourself to be controlled by these five things many people spend their life at the mercy of circumstances living at the mercy of what happens.
Living at the mercy of other people not living in the present because in the prison of their past. If you want to live a great life. Allow yourself to be controlled by any of these things. Number one best number two other people's opinions number three limited beliefs on yourself for relationships number five money number one, don't allow you control your present life must go. Leave the pain of your past so leave so right is gone. Whatever whether whatever the case, living someone.
The only way you can win is go if you live in the story they when you must focus on your future and start release that we can be free from the passenger know all this, this moment is now joy is ready for you to live number two other people's opinions and judgments to control the direction of your life. You want to cause trouble down one pleasing hers should be avoided. All anything. My doing this because I want to judgment others don't do for reason you want to spend out to be appreciated and love will your lights go shine bright you really like and start with number three don't allow you like them morning.
These beliefs maybe more than like unconscious limitations throughout your entire life by listening to those around you never reach for their own notice. Limited believes tell them to shut nothing you cannot do nothing you cannot have one, you cannot become anything is possible. Just one thing you changeable limited unlimited financial miracles go when there is no outside, do you know when you have nothing holding you back. There is nothing outside your life will change very you decide to change your minds eye is when you decide to seek every blessing, rather than occurs very you become conscious.
Everything is no fighting. You say number four relations always needing another complete always one moment away from a break down that person leaves the relationship you're in is not going just to avoid relationships. There is no greater love connection. I am talking about those relations goals just about including all just avoid spending being single. What I am saying to develop mental strength don't need others to make justice being alone is relationship number five this is what comes from a majority of humans on just what this does not mean you shouldn't want one doesn't mean money is. You know as well as I do, what great things you do with how many people you can help.
What this means is to not allow your decisions will your choosing something of how much money is involved, just made the wrong decision which will find that when you leave your intention to serve others others. Every single time we wish you the money come far greater amounts is simply chasing money chasing one. Challenge yourself to live the life you want to live free from being controlled by anything find your freedom live a cure host Amy Belanger, Dr. Boris love Levi talking about trauma and things that happen along the way how we can overcome trauma and I was sharing my experiences how I overcame trauma high with how I was able to get to granted today even though it took me a very long time. You'd be surprised, because when I turned to God I got this west on my eyes were opened. Not only did I start appreciating everything in my line and I understood the importance of being kind to others that I learned that it's not always important to be right or it's not always important to win.
I learned that it's you know when you have to turn to God that you have to realize that you have to sometimes pick the other person behind you because I don't associate myself the religion.
I am just a special person I call myself a Christian and I found the best way I can tell you how are Christians described is in this plan that I found Boris you want to read it sure it's called I am a Christian. When I say that I'm a Christian I'm not shouting that I'm clean living I'm whispering I was lost but now I'm found in forgiving when I say I'm a Christian. I don't speak of these with bright. I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide when I say I'm a Christian I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm week a new pew strength to carry on.
When I say I'm a Christian I'm not bragging of success I'm admitting I have failed and you got to clean my mess when I say I'm a Christian I'm not claiming to be perfect. My flows are far too reasonable. But God believes arm work when I say I'm a Christian. I still feel the sting of pain. I have my share of heartaches.
So I call upon his name when I say I'm a Christian I'm look holier than doll. I'm just a simple scene or who received God's good grace somehow to take the good days with a bad case, I realized that it was okay if things work setting. I things didn't go the right way I realize to accept things and just trust God, I realized that having PTSD did not give me the right to have angry outbursts. I realized how to behave better and as such, much better anyway. You know it's overcame progress just as well is learning currently will that's that's very true where always a learning that you know. It also helps me a lot with not falling into the trap of being depressed for something that's no longer happening to me something that happened many many years ago is comparing myself to other people that are going through worse situations we have to understand that not everybody could find God not everybody feels the strength needed and some people are suffering this Christmas and even though Christmas is supposed to be a happy moment for most people. For some people it's a very sad Christmas and that's why I like to tell people I cannot complain.
I cannot feel bad at all about anything that happened my past and that's why I share this with you at third-grade little girl was airlifted in critical condition classmate of my daughter because her father shot her mother and her baby brother before shooting himself. This occurred this past weekend I don't even know cannot even begin to describe this family must be feeling. I prayed fervently because even for me. I found it hard to even think about it such a horrible thing can happen with this little girls can wake up to the loss at this family feels to people and their family gone.
So I did find something called a Christmas message from heaven that he wanted to play special Christmas to send you soon see you when you cry, loss so hold onto the will be reunited once again even though you miss this special time greatest gift you smoke so when Christmas talks without no free time is different flavor but you know, violence, addictions, poverty and even sexual abuse by your loved ones. The issue is not stated their book to overcome all obstacles show that with the love of God, your husband and your family. You can succeed.
Love is the answer. God is the key work reveals from a very sincere and honest position in Cabo's life, a warrior who didn't give up and achieve the dream of her life. You can get to know more about her at her story on www.godisthekeyword.com or buying her book on Amazon.com and now we continue with daily gobble in the 218 80 though.
Go with him talking about trauma and different ways that you can survive and I've been speaking about my personal experiences and also I want you guys to keep in mind that our number is 305543235 I'm sorry. That's 305-541-2350 again that's 305-541-2350.
Feel free to call and ask questions, share your testimony, we could always learn from each other. At least that's what I believe I was talking right before we went into the song I was talking about the tragedy that happened with this little girl and in in that effort to try.console myself because it affected me. I think pretty upset about it is I try to remember how I handled what happened to my daughter when she was almost killed. She was 23 and it was the morning before her birthday it was the day of correctly. Actually the morning before Valentine I get a call from a family member.
My daughter Danielle is in the Ryder trauma center fighting for her life. No clue, no idea what to think. I don't know anything except that she's fighting for her life that I came to find out that roommate that she had gotten from Craigslist and was in her apartment for a week. For some reason tried to kill her, soaked her until she couldn't breathe anymore and to head across the floor until he made several fractures in the school. He cut up her face. I don't know why and he choked her until she could not breathe anymore. I did not know what to see when I got to the hospital and it was a site that I wish no mother at her house to see God is with me.
I guess it was a little bit of a shock that I accepted. I realized that even though Beatty Beatty want my daughter to I have to accept whatever God's will.
This only God knows what the future for this person for my daughter and where she's better off in my consolation is that this little boy and the mother. I keeping each other company and when the media interviewed me because this date this taker to the media and I write this in my book. By the way, because love is the answer. God is the cure that you can get on amazon.com when I was the very first day after seeing my daughter comatose, not moving in the condition that she was in the asked me about it and I simply told them this is in God's hands. I leave it in God's hands. But I knew I could lose it. I knew I was the main track are the family. I knew that if I let myself go and I lost it.
So with the rest of my family because this wasn't only hard for me this is hard for them to and have to think about them so basically that's that's how I think people to survive anything that comes my way is that I just I just simply because God and if I suffer have to it's okay I know it will pass.
I know it's not forever. Know that God doesn't give us.
We cannot handle, and they know you're not good enough. If we fall short. God picks up where we fall short. He does help us along the way like a at what I found really helpful was this route made this guy called Mike steel. It's called real talk with Mike steel and Jesus questioned up the whole world and is like a lot of direction of the tribulation of the shop apartment all day is about settlement know about the know so little brother but some are so fragile we could die at any minute is comparable to God, which is not know when God is for me in this way, it's really hard for me to complain this Christmas.
Please keep in mind those who are suffering and those who are have maybe a sad Christmas or lonely Christmas. It's very important that we pray for those people and also I wanted to share with anybody since these occurrences happen please solidified homicides or maybe a school shooting. It's difficult for the kids in the school and the adolescence rate body. If we think it's difficult for us as parents imagine the kids that know this kid so helpful hints to share with people sometimes in this case, I don't know.
There was no sign this is the most beautiful, sweetest little girl my daughter was so excited that I'd meet her when I met her she was right. I thought why she was so excited the nicest family nobody had a clue he is glad he didn't have a background that when there is signs.
Please inform us what to look for the course are there is the most common thing wench children experiencing trauma in their life that can be presented unseen but of coursetons of. Yes, there is no signs I we don't know what was going on with his family. Maybe something was going on before, maybe not. But anyway there's some common experience responses to trauma among children. For example, your children are under five, they may react to one of these ways they might show signs of fear that might be clinging to a parent or one of the features that might be crying or screaming. They might be whimpering go trembling without appellant's reasoning they might be moving aimlessly. They might be returning to behavior, and to them when they were much younger, they might be thumbsucking they might be wetting the bed. There may be being afraid of the dark and no disinterest might be different if the children between six and 10.
While some of the sentence could be no or something that causes you reason to be alarmed by that now were going into the age group of our daughter 6 to 11 so there might be isolating himself.
There might be more quiet around friends and family or teachers they might be having nightmares or other sleep problems they might be refusing to go to bed and again being afraid of the dark, they might be becoming irritable or disruptive they might be having outbursts of anger or there might be having to start becoming starting fights. There may be being unable to concentrate in school them or even refused to go to school they might complain of pure physical problems like headaches or abdominal pains. They may be starting to develop unfounded fears. They may even become depressed them express guilt over what's happening even though a visit is not their fault. Yes, this is very common with any traumas victims there might be feeling no emotionally unable to even experience any like littleness and it will not speak of it does not want to hear about right. There might be doing poorly at school for homework while they might be losing activities losing interesting some fun as usual.
Know the symptoms. Maybe you will know to be different in lessons like 12 to 17 that would be Sean's age that will be shown and there will having them. I have flashbacks to some events that they experience dramatic might be having nightmares or other agency problems they might be avoiding any reminders of the rent kind of a PTSD symptoms. There might be abusing drugs, alcohol or tobacco. There might be being disruptive, disrespectful, or behaving destructively there might be having again physical pains without any any underlying condition they might be feeling isolated or confused them. I feel depressed there might be very angry if without without any reason they might lose interest to some fun activities that the door used to do before then we will have suicidal thoughts.
But wait, this is very important when you have any suicidal thoughts. Don't wait there is nothing to be ashamed of. Go for help us for help. There's a lot of organizations and a lot of people that will be willing to help.
Like if you want to be anonymous. You can even call this recite prevention lifeline, which is 1-800-273-8255 and blessings usually may feel guilty again.
The if you guilty of something that is happening without being their fault at all. They may even have thoughts of revenge will try to protect their sibling.
Underlying calls know we as parents always don't know what to do to so might have a couple suggestions for burns. What do you need to do well in you to explain to children whatever happened and let them know that you love them and their event was not their fault.
You will do your best to take care of them and it's okay for them to feel upset.
What's is okay for you to do a low allowed them to cry.
They wanted to be strong, they can cry they can show sub as they can allow sadness let them allow them to talk about their feelings led them even write something about how they feel. Let them draw pictures of the event of their feelings like Michelle's teacher had all the students on the Gotthard for the little girl to know.
Please don't expect your children to be brave for tough don't make children disclose the run before they're ready.
Don't get angry with your children in the show stronger motions. Children this young even know it's things accessed evil can occur something that started out as love can turn so so cruel at.
I did not know how to explain to Michelle that I know that she could hear everything in school and I want to be. I wanted we wanted to be the first ones right and don't get upset if they start wetting the bed, start acting out or any other behavior that you don't approve of and all busy, you know that if they have any trouble sleeping.
Just give them extra attention led the maybe sleep with the light on. Let them sleep in your room. Maybe for short-term and try to keep normal routines. For example, reading bedtime stories eating dinner together watching TV together, reading books, exercising open games.
Yes, I find that helpful if I keep myself occupied. Unable not to think about how I'm feeling uncomfortable or how I'm not feeling great.
I realize that I have to force myself to do things even though I don't want to.
And that's the challenge I give myself that even though I don't want to force myself. I don't want to do it. I did force myself to do it and therefore I'm proud of myself and a good example for example, exercise well, I never wanted to do that. But anyhow guys thanks for attending and this is South Florida's business station 80 that there is and you are listening to the chair. This is your host Amy Cabo should like you oh so I