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December 22, 2018 11:30 am
In this episode Aimee and co-host Dr. Boris Nikolov discuss personal growth and creating a support system to help you through the aftermath of experiencing emotional, physical and sexual abuse. They talk about the importance of creating a support system, and how we need to not only be there for each other, but how we should have compassion to everyone who crosses our path. You never know what someone is experiencing at that point in their lives. Aimee opens up about her life as a single mother and current life sharing parenting with Dr. Nikolov.
THE CURE Live streamed podcast is hosted by Aimee Cabo and offers a platform of hope to anyone who has experienced domestic violence, abuse, mental illness, any trauma or is experiencing problems now in their lives. It's a place to find comfort, knowledge, strategies, answers, hope and love while healing the wounds and 'affirming' that you are not alone.
Join Aimee and her professional guests on The Cure with Aimee Cabo podcast every Saturday at 1 PM EST as it is recorded during the live radio show.
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Aimee hopes that anyone who has suffered abuse of any kind, or walked a moment in similar shoes, will find inspiration in these pages, and hope that love and truth will ultimately prevail. Please subscribe and share this podcast.
Aimee Cabo Nikolov is a Cuban American who has lived most of her life in Miami. After many years of healing, finding love, raising a family and evolving her relationship with God, Aimee's true grit and courage led her to pen an honest, thought-provoking memoir. Years of abuse became overshadowed with years of happiness and unconditional love. Now Aimee is the president of IMIC Research, a medical research company, a speaker, radio host and focused on helping others. You can read more about Aimee by visiting her website.
Dr. Boris Nikolov is the CEO of Neuroscience Clinic. You can read more about Dr. Nikolov and the work he is doing by visiting his website.
Brought to you by volume OIC research life can bring many difficult situations, domestic violence, poverty and even sexual by your loved ones welcome Amy Cobb and the Q line and well yeah so and they sell, and he now I just wanted to start letting you guys know today what you talking about things that happened what you can do about eight and a Heidi can actually turn it around, grow from it and learn from it and just carry on and go for like I'm also joined by Dr. Boris Niccolo with my has spent and I I thought that it would be nice if you can get the perspective of the support system. Your loved ones because they to go to the things that you go through and perhaps you know you guys can learn something from each other. I do welcome this people who have loved ones who had been through a trauma or going through a hard time and are going to paint to paint the call in because I do believe that we can help one another and how I did this I started out by coming forward and sharing my story that I am a survivor of a long term childhood sexual, emotional and physical abuse.
I have also survived being re-victimized and domestic violence and I want you to know that with God's help, I found true love became a mother of three & to the point to success. Never give up hope.
And one of the very important things in my life that has helped me has been my support system God has been very good to me because I never lost hope and I wanted to be able to be able to talk about my story so I can empower others to do the same. In a way that I'm telling just the story, something that I'm not ashamed of that. I don't that I don't feel guilty about because I no longer want to be a person or of my past, I learned that if people do talk about it and they talk to another.
There's many things that we can learn from each other and also people who are listening can understand somebody who's gone through hard times. Even better, I actually went to a website and Facebook and it's a website for C PTSD survivors of childhood abuse/domestic violence and II learned that people do share their stories and they do respond, and there's something that I cannot understand that I read today that really really made an impression on me. Somebody struggling going through a lot of pain and she's having thoughts of cutting herself because she rather feel physical pain and emotional pain. Now I'm a professional. I can only speak from experience. I don't know what that's like. I've never try to cut myself but I know what it's like to go through extreme pain. I know what it's like to try to self medicate with drugs and do them so much to the point that you hope you overdose.
I know what it's like to be to feel so much in pain that you can't stand any waking moment and all you want to do is sleep just now that I learned to be patient. I know that whatever I'm going through. No matter how hard my date is that you will pass. If nothing else helps.
I try to accept this at the diabetic they have to accept doing a certain diet. They'd love to eat whatever they want but they have to do a certain diet and I've learned to accept that that this is my life will be good days and the bad days that I take one day at a time. I take the good with the bad, and I promise you my blessings outweigh my misfortunes.
I also have the privilege of having those around me that help me and and our support system. To me, but there's people that don't have there's people that don't have a support system. There's people that are all alone will I want them to know that there never alone that God is always with them, that God will always listen God will always show you away or give you the strength that you need. God always provides. If you feel like you never enough. Just know that wherever you fall short. God picks up the rest. He will always provide God forgives us as many times as we need to even if we found even if they fumble, even if we don't get it right. The ideas that we keep trying and we try and try again. Eventually, something's bound to give and just know always that God does not give us anything we can't handle as hard as we may think it is. It's always something that God knows we can handle because God is kind like that even though the devil is not know that through your struggles, you can become a better person you can give back Deacon there's always a risk reason to live. Whether it's to love someone to love your children to make a difference in the world to be there for a friend to be kind to others, or even the responsibility of the mother.
The things that the mother's day for their children and I have to tell you that my kids were my saving grace in the first seven years of single motherhood. Most of the things that I did write I did for my daughter because I realize that is much as I want to feel sorry about about myself is not really about me. I have to think about others and how I could be affecting others, and I can't let my little girl singing broken or down or not making it. But just to let you know it's okay to be broken and it's okay to feel bad and it's okay to feel like you heard because it will pass. It always does. The worst that happens is nothing works right into prayer. I turned to music I try to get busy I clean, I because I feel that if I clean, making the house clean for everyone, so therefore I'm doing something for someone I find great fulfillment and doing things for others.
And if nothing else works. I to simply go to sleep when I wake up things will be different. A lot of times will be better if anything at all. Another day always comes the sun always rises, so Boris tell me how is it been for you is been nice. The houses are doing well and that was kind of surprise from every personal was on the pond.
Okay I can be your best, so what you think you the most bothering for you after all this drama like go. Would you consider yourself for having a complex posttraumatic stress disorder. Well, I think what was most difficult for me even though I came to accept what had happened to me. I think that what was most difficult was how long I I went through the hard times and how long I suffered mostly the custody battles being taken to court.
3 to 4 times a year C for sole custody of my daughter was the only thing I had that only God knows how long it takes for you to become the person you are supposed to be the person you're meant to be in the person we all know we can be because were all made in the likeness of Christ we can be pretty special. People every single one of them is true and just to let you know sometimes when we do talk about things.
When we do write things down. It may be difficult it may hurt that were helping each other and just like a burn that has to be scraped for it to heal, or a wound that has to be irrigated, cleaned parade to heal. Sometimes being broken is necessary for healing and just because your broken doesn't mean you're defeated. Even though suicide attempts not work your life for a reason you survived there for your success. So I encourage anyone that has gone through trauma or has gone through hard times just to realize that your success is your life you're here, you create the scripts and you play the role you can be in control of your destiny. All you have to do is believe in a greater purpose believe in something bigger than you believe that there's a bigger picture and that were not meant to suffer were meant to learn from things that we go through a very broader thinking of things to God but it's important to also love yourself because a lot of the times when somebody is a victim.
Eight and to feel guilty they can to help things behave themselves. At least I know that was my biggest struggle for a long time. I did not feel that I was working that I was good enough. I felt like I was children of a lesser God that died what had happened to me for some reason made me handicap and it took me a while to realize that it didn't that I'm just as capable if everyone else and I learned to love myself by changing my actions. I started praying and eventually I started thinking differently. I changed my actions. I learned to react to things better. I learned to talk about things I learned to let go. I learn to forgive myself for not doing everything right nothing everything perfect because we tend to be hurting ourselves to boredom up to expect which end to just accept yourself the way you are just even if it's not ideal or snack. Everyone else very distinct. Whether the law everyone is unique. It's okay to be any. It's okay to be different. You just have to accept yourself and stay close to God by doing the right actions and most of all trust.
There's no reason to be afraid. God always said he be with us so you have to trust him because I could've been afraid when I married you Boris only had I known you for a few days and three months that you know God gave them my sign and I could've been afraid, you know, with all this, custody battles and not knowing if I would lose my daughter over and over again that I trusted God and you that he was with me at least, is the only one I had in my life have been afraid when I almost lost Danielle somebody tried to kill her from the roommate that she got from Craigslist. I could have been if I could've been afraid then soon that I put in the hands of God that God wants to help you. And if there's things you feel that you cannot handle. You could always put it in the hands of God's important actually Boris you are very spiritual and I met you. Are you all revealing secrets here. So what can you do industrial I got a firm embrace God more. After we got married you showed me a picture. It's funny how things go 90s and just those who are tuning and this is secure and I'm your host, any Kabul joined by Dr. Boris and hello we've been talking about the consequences of trauma you can listen to the cure.
Every Friday at 2 PM on 880 a and that this this is your hosting account you will bring many difficult situation, domestic violence, addictions, poverty and even sexual abuse by your loved ones. The issue is not stay there, but to overcome all obstacles show that with the love of God, your husband and your family. You can succeed. Love is the answer. God is the key word reveals from a very sincere and honest position in Cabo's wife, a warrior who didn't give up and achieve the dream of her life. You can get to know more about her at her story on www.godisthekeyword.com or buying her book on Amazon.com and now we continue with daily Kabul and the two on 80 W so there you have Cabo today were talking about trauma and and we were talking about some of the traumas that happen, but I wanted to share with you guys an inspirational story about somebody who was able to overcome her, and came to view and I found this on Facebook share this with you guys always be known as the girl that was kidnapped.
David happened I should broken into my home she'd taken out my backdoor taken happens in the mountains behind my home almost the first thing he did when he brought me to CAM was. He had his wife come out and change me and you try to sponge bathe me and then she's not doing enough when he told me that I was now his wife that was now time to consummate our marriage well 14-year-old girl just stopping thought of what he could possibly come to my mind know that's not possible. One human being can possibly do not know is that evil, and I quickly found out that yes is a matter of fact there are people that in the morning after I was rescued. My mom gave me the best piece of advice I've ever been given. Not always listen to my moms if I set always tried thought I fall short of it, probably far too often. She said Elizabeth what these people have done you is terrible, and their words to describe how how wicked and evil they are. They have stolen nine months of your life away from you that you will never get back best punishment you could ever get them is to move forward with you like to do all the things he wanted to because by feeling sorry for yourself by holding onto the past by reliving only allowing them still of your life away from that they don't deserve a single life member leading up to the trial I was actually I was actually very nervous to see my captors and I hadn't seen them in person since the day I was rescued. I didn't know how it was from Brian Mitchell into the room. He still had long. Long hair shot his hands around his waist and they were to guards on either side scoring image.
The courtroom and I realized in that moment that I had followed my mom's side need to be scared of what he would make me feel this, I realized that he had no power over me anymore.
I remember how empowering me on the last day of the triangle when the verdict came in he was found guilty-remember the judge looking at me and asked me if I had saved him just standing up and saying that he had no further would like words that I realize that forgiveness is not for the other person for yourself.
Life is so worthwhile.
No matter what is happened you no matter what your background is, no matter what your past is each of us deserve to be happy that that doesn't mean that they need to define us to destroy our life.
Yes, I may always be known as the girl that was kidnapped that's okay because I know the all that happened to me but I have not let that stop me from going on getting married, having a family becoming and how to get the change becoming an kit for women and children really all victim we have things happen to us and yes they shape us, told us that they don't have to define us because in the end what defines you is how you react to decisions you make. So I hope that whatever your face whatever you do, just remember that you decide you are the captain of your destiny here that tomorrow and she's known as the girl that got kidnapped and she's an inspirational speaker difference in the world and sometimes difficult pain or duty can turn into a blessing in disguise. You can actually make something great for me. You can help someone else, if anything at all. At the very least you can be understanding can be compassionate so don't feel that because you've been through something because something bad has happened to you. There's your less than anybody else or there's nothing you can do know that you are special in a way that you survived it in a way that you are now capable of helping others, and that's the whole idea. I just realized I was just told we have a call that came in and I believe I wouldn't call her Janice Janice are you on the phone hi how are you Janice welcome to clear.
Thank you for calling a really appreciated that's very brave of you and your story and you know your success because you know you meeting here today speaking to me were really like a lot of hard work quite you know how you talk about blockage and the way you know I don't how to describe it but let me tell you my story with whatever how how to migrate In okay I got pregnant I got a high okay but exited her boyfriend big brother to drug, alcohol okay to come up with my money everything I got and I you get my guy had a project housing okay and I was working one night I came about 11 o'clock manager will be ready in my house in the room and you grab the rope you will put the time you'd like a hog. He daughter raped her very weak. You know anybody that I care how it would like you, me, I will figure it out taking a shower in the back is labor.
Labor of the woman was a little courtly they were beating their door, they were all getting ready for the apartment manager.
Okay.apartment five years will go get there, but what happened was a lady across the the rape of her legs meet up again will they called the Department of Justice.
They got above me to tell the stories of all the below report it with everything so when the time of the everybody. Like my prayers. Like you said the blog had a hard time at top of that, because of my ability. Anybody is familiar with Lexi schedule and numbers.
It was hard for me because only the time the concept is usually it was overwhelming and when you go through when you go through the trouble you get brought you to block out you know Bill would like to horrible like you dirty and you know will you allow it to happen.
You always been my songs and we have to understand that it was something that was done to date on to serve to hurt us.
The way that you live, you said it was something that was on do you really think they'll are you guys getting the partaking of I don't know why talk about your over and over. It would be able to start talking about public talk. I blocked it out.
You know I still have nightmares at that time I you know I can go through the dark dark side. I ideas suffer for a long time until one day I still enough is enough. You know there's only so long that I'm willing to suffer and I need to do something about this and try to make my life right there for my for myself and for others but not everybody has the ability to do. That's why we always have to praying for one another that Janice and I am so sorry that you can't do this.
I just want to let you know that you can contact me you have a friend I'll be there for you and thank you so much for calling us and sharing your story.
Please look into seeing a psychiatrist or therapist that can help you and your daughter you think you Janice have a beautiful day. Now we continue with baby gobble to about the common consequence, posttraumatic disorder, GST, and we just received a call little while ago that was pretty shocking. It's hard to believe that people could go through these things, and that's one of the things that I wanted to point out that if you feel God what happened to you if you feel like what's happened to you is bringing you down. It's good to see if you sent to someone else's story because I can't imagine being raped and my daughter being raped in the same room. I can't imagine going to all that I can't do gone through a lot.
I can't matching that must've been very difficult and I and I am gonna pay for her and I hope that she finds God because I did try therapy and medication and I tried heading tried transcranial magnetic therapy and I've tried to strongest medications as a guinea pig for medications and tile.
The new medications and nothing really worked until I turned to God and now I do things right because I know it brings me closer to God because I know that I can keep a close relationship with God is on my behaviors correct actions are guided and I do the right thing and every day I make account because I believe if you can do something do it right and make every day count only here for so long, so let's try to make the best that bores me, but I would like to share some information with you because I do believe that most of us have suffer from, do suffer from PTSD.
Well, yes, some of the drama there so condition bolster my pics through these old will produce the yes is not, normally people that have gone to war, soldiers, veterans, buddy can happen if you experience a dramatic event in your life such grapes, natural disaster, even a car accident.
No, when you go to more severe and more persistent drama in your life like assistant, child abuse, open systems and system rapes many times through many months or many years converting to something which restuccoing complex posttraumatic stress disorder is chronic abuse which is developed by chronic abuse and do some more severe form of because the end comes from repeated trauma over months or years rather than one. Know the symptoms of food usually can be many of the most popular ones are relieving the dramatic experience. This concludes Calvin's nightmares and flashbacks. Avoiding certain situations, you might avoid situations or activities. Searchers being in large crowds driving the reminder of the dramatic event will dark rooms such the lady was having the lady. This was improved keeping yourself preoccupied to avoid thinking about the event. Sometimes there can be changes in beliefs and feelings about yourself and others. Yet you create steps believe negative things he start to develop negative coping mechanisms tend to self sabotage right and you are not able to trust others will believe the world is very dangerous.
Well, it might be doing that nothing can happen to you. You can also have somatic symptoms like purely physical symptoms being for example, you might feel busy or nauseated. Now this complex begins the house. Additional symptoms besides the that can be lack of emotional regulation. For example we choose. You can experience uncontrollable feelings suggests explosive anger or ongoing sadness can be mistaken by a chronic depression or you can be experiencing forgetfulness of the traumatic event or blocking or feeling detached from your emotions or body which can be called the dissociation like if you like your folding.
You can also have negative self perception as you said Amy to feel guilt or shame of what happened even though it wasn't your fault to the point that you feel completely different from other people when you don't want to be around other people have because of the difficulty with relationships, so you might find yourself avoiding relationship with friends.
So with people around you because you miss Dresden and the you can also help loss of systems of meaning, meaning that you think the living to help you or you turn to religion will beliefs about the world. You can feel defeated and there's many consequences to trauma and things that you and like Elizabeth Smart. She had a beautiful mother that gave her the best advice that you can get anyone in the advice that I can get from personal experience is that despite all the ramifications and despite all the consequences of all the things that I've gone through what really worked for me was turning to God when I realized God's unconditional love for me when I took notice of all my blessings when I realized that you know God was always there for me that I was never alone and I felt that they wanted to do was pay for praying either for others do the right thing not disappoint those around me not to worry those around me started realizing it wasn't about me that those around me disturbed for me to be happy. I deserved for me to be happy and also I wanted to share from that. Something that I found caught God's love letter.
It's actually phrases derived from the Bible because it has the numbers where you can find it, but it's a love letter that actually helped me a lot at times that I found most darkest. This is his shows most for all your duties completed comes from Jewish tradition. My desire to start showing great shape all your heart is more for you registered post for injuries is my love for you representation expression, everything you received nothing but I've always been. Yes, God is always there is such that the Bible is all written in the five guys come to us. Thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you so much to called my guest and the show and those who have submitted questions. This is the care on the hosting a combo. Thank you for listening to what a situation, violence, addictions, poverty and even sexual abuse by your loved ones.
The issue is not spinning their book to overcome all obstacles show that with the love of God, your husband and your family. You can succeed. Love is the answer. God is the key work reveals from a very sincere and honest position. Amy Cabo's life, a warrior who didn't give up and achieve the dream of her life.
You can get to know more about her at her story on www.godisthekeyword.com buying her book on Amazon.com with Amy. Cabo was brought to you by MICU research 786-310-7477 www.God's word.com every Friday at 2 PM with baby, right here on this